Don’t Make It Weird

On this, you can count on me (to be the weird-maker, that is). If there’s a social situation that can be awkwardized, I’m your human. I’ll take home the gold, win the day, trounce all comers. It’s an innate talent. 

It’s not that I forget how to “people,” it’s more that I never actually developed the ability.

Also, 3AM is the hour for remembering and cringing over every single embarrassing moment I’ve ever inadvertently or purposely created, contributed to and lived through.

One of these years I’ll have evolved to the point of being able to laugh about my astounding social doofusosity. 
~~~
Did you know? While pepper spray (and other self-defense sprays) is a good non-lethal way to protect yourself, it’s not free and clear to use everywhere. Fer instance:

Massachusetts: A license is required to sell or carry pepper sprays and gels. Only licensed firearms dealers can sell pepper sprays and gels, and those ages 15 to 18 must obtain a firearms ID card in order to purchase. Pepper sprays and gels cannot be sold online. (source) 

So, for protection, if you’re 13 years old, it’s best to travel in feral packs? Never leave the house? Get yourself modified so you can spit disabling venoms onto would-be attackers? Become a wilding barbarian – come off as too scarily insane to fuck with. Hey, worked, for the most part, for me!  

Here’s an interesting tool for protecting yourself against the masked, warrantless, human trafficking, bounty hunting ICE thugs, especially now that the Supreme Court has given their stamp of approval – there are self-defense spray that contain contain a red dye and UV marking properties. The red dye stains the skin and clothes while the UV means they can be IDed under ultraviolet light. My thought here is that, if you can get a cop to respond to your 911 that masked, armed, un-uniformed marauders are trying/have tried to abduct you, the perps are marked and identifiable.

Other ideas? A portable LED strobe light. Be seen. Make a big spectacle. Put on a fucking show. Get ALL the attention. Carry an air horn. Make a lot of noise. Freedom dies in silence.

AirTag yourself. AirTag one of your wannabe kidnappers if you mange to get away. Track those motherfuckers. Turn on Long Range Tracking (Find My Network).

Resist. They’re getting paid to steal your life – make ‘em wish they’d chosen to clean toilets at McDonald’s instead.
~~~
Stinky’s new obscenely unqualified appointee is Thomas Fugate, a 22 year old who’s only work experience is bagging groceries and mowing lawns. OH, but he’s a BIG fan of the bloated orange pustule and an intern at the Death Star (AKA Heritage Foundation) so he’s, like totally, qualified to run the Department of Homeland Security's Center for Prevention Programs Partnerships (terrorism prevention). Right?

Jesus, this kid’s own hand probably friend zoned him. I mean, obviously.
~~~
Today’s temps are supposed to reach the mid 90s. Here. ON the fucking water IN goddamn Massachusetts. To answer your question, NO, there is no god. IF there was, it’d hit no more than 72º at noon. I’d go for a nice walk, sit in the shade of one of our trees that hasn’t kamikazed yet, and then come inside to do my stupid yet ultra important PT exercises. 

Walking outside in this heat? Not gonna happen.
~~~
There is no thing as a single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives.
~ Audre Lorde 

Shhh. I'm seducing the world with my weirdness. 
~ Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing: The Best of Year One 

What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps one in a continual state of inelegance.
~ Jane Austen 

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
~ Dr. Seuss 

I take it back. Make it weird. 

Weasel Sh*t Theater

Welcome to Stinky’s Weasel Shit Theater where absolutely nothing the fifth rate, flea bag, stoinking-mad carnival barker spews has anything in common with reality.

Those nuclear joints we supposedly “obliterated?” Yeah, not so much. Putin’s missle and drone suppliers got the word to move Stinky’s boss’s goods BEFORE the too-melodramatic-to-be-a-decent-drag queen and his renfields gave the Action! cue.

But as evidence that the strikes may have missed the uranium stocks, both Albright and Lewis point to commercial satellite imagery from the days before the strike. The images show trucks at two key sites — Isfahan and Fordo. The trucks appear to be sealing tunnels that serve as entrances to underground facilities used to store uranium, possibly in anticipation of an American attack. 

Both experts believe Iranians could have also moved their enriched uranium out of the sites in the run-up to the U.S. strikes.
~~~
Albright says Iran may also have thousands of uranium-enriching centrifuges that were never installed in Natanz and Fordo. (source)  

How did Iran know to move the uranium stocks before the strike? Did Petey Kegstand include them on the Signal Chat planning session? I mean, that is his proven style. We should maybe ring up his wife, brother, and personal shyster. Maybe they can enlighten us all?

So, now old Anus Face is talking about instituting regime change in Iran. HAH! I believe the world would be far better served by having the US regime changed.

I’m now ignoring the news for at least the next few days. 

In other exciting Valhalla news, we’re in the midst of a big-ass heat wave. It’s gonna be in the 90s! This is fucking New England not Texas or Arizona! NOT FAIR!!! I want to speak to the manager.

Also, another of our big trees crashed down during a sudden, wild wind storm on Friday. Luckily, this time, it didn’t take out any of our vehicles or damage our houses. Still, I’m in mourning over the loss of yet another old soul. It’s only been a few months since we lost the last one.

 Re: the last dearly-departed-timber-toppling, we finally got Godzilla, our electric MINI back from the repair shop. If you recall, in its death throes, the tree struck a strong but nonlethal blow to our wee monster car. It was in the auto hospital for nearly three months. Why so long? Parts had to come from Germany. These were hung up due to Stinky’s stupid tariff trade games. Conveniently our all electric ‘zilla’s back in time for the upcoming soaring of gas prices. 

The fuck’s that about? Welp, because the tantrum toddler didn’t have big, beautiful crowds at his Soviet-style birthday parade, because his popularity numbers are in the toilet, he’s about as popular as Saint Bernard vomit on your quit at bedtime, and everyone at G7 was laughing at him, he bombed Iran. In return, it looks like Iran will be closing the Strait of Hormuz.

About 20% of global oil and gas flows through this narrow shipping lane in the Gulf. Blocking it would have profound consequences for the global economy, disrupting international trade and ratcheting up oil prices. (source) 

OUCH! If that clown faced pile of fresh rhino feces thought maybe he’d become a tad unpopular before, he’s in for an uncomfortable education.

This amateur hour administration is SO not up to the Sisyphian chore of cleaning up after Trump’s dumps. Mister intelligence is irrelevant, the Secretary of Dipshittery, Marco Rubio, has been begging China to intervene – to save us all and get Iran to just lay down and docilely take its bombing.

Yeah dude. In the real world, outside of Republican playacting, reality show teevee time, tough guy bullshit theater, that’s not how life works. Also, it might’ve smoothed the diplomacy path if Clownshoes hadn’t slapped China with a zillion byzantine steep-ass tariffs beforehand, eh? 

Okay...I'm getting totally offline NOW. No, no, fer reals this time. Gonna do my exercises, read, and get on the damn elliptical. Honest!

I Was Wrong

Well, waddya know. In figuring that Clownshoes von Anus Face would NEVER fuck with his beloved boss’s war on Ukraine, I was, obvs and way sadly, WRONG.

The United States bombed three major Iranian nuclear facilities early on Sunday, with President Donald Trump claiming that they had been “totally obliterated”.

The targets included Iran’s main uranium enrichment site at Natanz, which Israel had also struck on June 13 at the start of its current bombing campaign on Iran; a nuclear complex in Isfahan that Israel had also hit previously, and Fordow, home to another facility where nuclear fuel can be purified. (source) 

So, are all the MAGAt armchair soldier boys gonna dash out to sign up up for their orange god’s distraction war or nah? I’m betting on a solid negatory. There’s no Nacho Cheese Doritos, Xbox, Big Macs, and Coors Light over there plus, who’s gonna do ma laundry? All those spunk soaked tube socks ain’t gonna wash themselves.

It’d be awesome if, in Stinky’s effort to help his new favorite death merchant, he *oopsie* bollixed up Daddy Vlad’s war on Ukraine. 

So, is Putin past tense now? Is he off old Donny’s dance card OR is Prez Oompa Loompa just cheating on Vlad as he’s done with all his wives? Will Vlad retaliate? How could he damage the US any more than he already has done (by facilitating Stinky the Reality Show Clown’s ascension to the presidency)?

One positive that may come out of this, if Trump and his Bozos are focusing more on Israel and Iran, maybe they’ll be paying less attention to making war on blue states like, fer instance, California, Massachusetts, Illinois, and Minnesota.

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the ICE bounty hunters (NOT real, seriously trained and educated law enforcement persons but, instead, idiot J6ers, Proud Boys, and other halfwit, cosplay, insecure and unemployable traitors to humanity) aren’t actually going after dangerous criminals as promised by Prez Dipshit von FreakShow. 

Nope, they’re going after people who have permission to live and work in the US. They go after folks going to their scheduled immigration check-in appointments. They’re starting to haunt hospitals, leading to patient deaths.

The Transactional Records Access Clearinghouse - a project from Syracuse University that compiles immigration figures - estimates that of the 51,302 people in ICE detention facilities as of 1 June, about 44% had no criminal record aside from entering the US without permission. (source) 

A first offense is a misdemeanor. Ya know what else is a misdemeanor? Stealing a pack of gum from the packy up the street.

From the American Civil Liberties Union’s Immigrant’s Rights Project:

Undocumented presence in the United States is only criminally punishable if it occurs after an individual was previously formally removed from the United States and then returned without permission. 8 U.S.C. § 1326 (any individual previously “deported or removed” who “enters, attempts to enter, or is at any time found in” the United States without authorization may be punished by imprisonment up to two years). Mere undocumented presence in the United States alone, however, in the absence of a previous removal order and unauthorized reentry, is not a crime under federal law. (source) 

Why are these delicate panywaists, who playact as rough ’n' tough bounty hunters, NOT going after genuine bad guys like their reality teevee big strong tough guy prez said?

• ‘coz that’s wealy dangerous and they might get an ouchie!

• Real criminals are a LOT harder to catch. Nosferatu Stevie Miller set a quota for them to meet. Cosplay Cops will NEVER hit that number if they go after fer real baddies.

According to internal government documents obtained by CNN, less than 10% of people deported by ICE since last October were accused of or guilty of serious, violent crimes. The same analysis found that over 75% of people booked into ICE custody in fiscal year 2025 had no criminal record. (source) 

I only mention it but Pope Leo’s crew is stepping up.

The first U.S. bishop appointed by Pope Leo XIV has called for priests, deacons and parish leaders to accompany migrants to court and stand in solidarity with them. 

Rev. Michael Pham, who was named bishop of San Diego, California, by Pope Leo in May, wrote a letter about the action on Wednesday, along with Rev. Felipe Pulido and Rev. Ramón Bejarano, both appointed by the previous pontiff, Pope Francis. (source) 

I’ve seen this posted more than a few times on Threads:

ICE agents are complaining that every time they go out wearing masks in unmarked cars with no uniforms or identification as law enforcement to abduct people, protesters keep dumping pounds of glitter on them so that everyone can tell they’re ICE for days afterward

I don’t know if that’s actually happening. It’s a brill idea though isn’t it?! NOT that I’m advocating that we engage in some good trouble like this but it sounds like colorful fun and wouldn’t hurt the big, ultra-fragile, always masked, too-scared-to-go-after-REAL-criminals ICE bounty hunters at all.

I’ve read that neon mica powder is A LOT cheaper in bulk than glitter, really hard to get out of clothes, and totally non-toxic. Plus there’s no microplastic waste. Neon mica powder or glitter bombing? Sounds like fun, huh?!

Also, no one should mix bright colored latex paint with sand in a balloon. I understand that, were those balloons to break open, it’d be real tough to get the mixture off windshields, face shields or really any sort of shield.

I hope no one does that either.

Napping Turds and Yapping Chihuahuas

Will we be going to war for Israel against Iran? I seriously doubt it. Warum? Iran produces and exports drones and missiles to Russia. Russia needs those for its war on Ukraine, its attempt to conquer another country. 

“If Iran’s own production capacity is compromised, its ability to supply military equipment, including drones and potentially components for ballistic missiles, to Russia could diminish,” said Kristian Alexander, a senior fellow at the United Arab Emirate-based Rabdan Security and Defence Institute. “This could force Russia to seek alternative suppliers or rely more heavily on its own, potentially less sophisticated, domestic production, or accelerate its own in-house manufacturing efforts. Russia might have already stockpiled critical components, mitigating short-term shortages.” (source) 

Russia MIGHT be able to find a way around Iran not being able to supply them anymore BUT it's gonna hurt. Possibly A LOT. 

Putin is Stinky’s boss. There’s no fucking way the napping orange turd’s gonna damage his employer’s defense source. 

What’s Stinky’s two weeks weasel shit about? First and foremost, it’s reality teevee theater. He’s attempting to build excitement, nervous anticipation, and increased viewer numbers for the ultimate presser when he announces that we won’t be going to war with Iran. In his mind, this makes for good teevee and that's how he sees the world.

He’s also waiting for his boss to tell him exactly how he’s supposed to frame things. Stinky needs a script (with illustrations and pie charts). He needs someone to carefully walk him through the whole thing. This is important to old Vlad so Stinky knows he better not fuck it up.

Another bit – ShitzenPantz has been jonesing HARD for a Nobel ever since Obama was awarded the Peace Prize in 2009. He only wants it because the Black guy has one and Donny doesn’t want to be perceived, by ANYONE, as coming in second to Obama. Too late Anus Face!

And honey, you could be ten times the man you negligibly are and you still wouldn’t occupy the same universe, let alone come in second, to Obama.

I’ve no doubt the groß orange idiot thinks he can bamboozle the Nobel Committee into thinking he’s magicked up peace between Israel and Iran. HAH, as if. 

Dude, Republicans may buy the diarrheal poodle excrement you puke out that face hole (or they behave as though they do) but intelligent, savvy, honest, unslimey humans don’t fall for that con. Need a little trophy to make yourself feel like a success? I’ll betcha TrophyDepot or MyCheapAssGoldMedals.com could fix you up with one right quick.

Meanwhile, did you you see? That yappy, snarling, biting little Chihuahua of a VP was in LA to spew more lies for his lords and masters and play mean girl about Senator Alex Padilla (FYI – CouchFuck has ZERO mean girl game).

Just think, when Stinky either keels over from a a long overdue Adderall/Coke/Big Mac attack OR from failing Putin and *ahem* falling out a window, this nimrod, this personification of total social ineptitude, this utter pariah, this barking, idiot, asshole will be our president.

I hate this timeline.

How 'Bout Now?

Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) is 91 years old. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) is 84. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) is 83. Jim Risch (R-ID), 82. Angus King (I-ME), 81. Dick Durbin (D-IL), 80. 

Donald Trump is 79 year old, unhealthy, in shit shape, and deteriorating fast in all ways. 

If Donald Trump gets dementia, how will we know? Donald Trump’s mental decline, which is more and more obvious, started from such a low level of mental processing power that it’s hard to track his decline. It’s from low to lower.
~ Lawrence O’Donnell

While Congress is getting slightly younger it's still older, on average, than the general adult population. The average age of our senators is 63.8 and the average age of our house reps is 57.7. Meanwhile the a average age of US adults is 38.9. Assuming we want the most intelligent, rational, emotionally mature, and logical of our peers representing us, overseeing the executive branch, creating laws and legislation, would it not make a shit-ton of sense for these people to be from a relatable age range as the majority of folks they represent?

The two oldest House Reps are Rep. Hal Rogers (R-Ky.), who is 87 and Rep. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) at 86 years old. They are, by far, not the only octogenarians in the House.

Oldest Senators? Chuck Grassley and Bernie Sanders.

WHY aren’t these people retiring? Age CAN bring the wisdom gathered over time but it can also give ossification. Chuck Schumer’s only 74 BUT he seems frozen in a past time, in a way of doing things that hasn’t worked for a very long time. The man’s just not rising to meet the weird, fresh challenges. He brings a sternly worded letter to a lightsaber fight.

Are there no up and coming intelligent, motivated, talented, savvy, lawmaker types out there looking to represent the citizens of this former (and hopefully future) democracy? I find that hard to believe.

Jon Ossoff (D-Ga) is currently the youngest U.S. senator at the age of 38. Maxwell Alejandro Frost who represents Florida’s 10th congressional district is the youngest House Rep. It seems, with the zombie fascist republican party, following Stinky in lock step off a cliff, NOW would be a great time to bring out some new talent, eh?

Check out the Princeton Gerrymandering Project. They do nonpartisan analysis to understand and eliminate partisan gerrymandering at a state-by-state level. 

The Supreme Court acknowledged the validity of our math but declined to act. Looking ahead, the strongest route to reform is at a state-by-state level — a federalist approach.

Our interdisciplinary team aims to give activists and legislators the tools they need to detect offenses and craft bulletproof, bipartisan reform. Our analysis is published widely, and our work is used by legislators and reformers of all communities, without regard to partisan affiliation. (source) 

Head on over and have a look see. The map on the site is interactive. You can see, state by state, the scores for House and Senate and click to go in for deeper data dives.

Maybe there will never be an ideal time to bring new Democratic representation out in horrifically gerrymandered states like Florida, Ohio, and Texas but you can’t win if you don’t play.

Pop

Today is the fourth anniversary of my father’s death. He had a good, though challenging, life and made it to a decent age (85). He, like all of us, had his flaws but, for me, he was a fabola father. He got me. He encouraged me to be true to myself. He was open, accepting, and as supportive as possible given the wild craziness of life. 

I think of him, even if just for brief moments, daily. It’s been a long time since we could engage in our long, free range convos that ran the gamut from wacky general riffs to serious life commentaries, familial crapoli, books, concerts, best music EVAH, art, language, friends, and on and on. Why such a long time since we had those great convos? Mostly because I lost all my hearing almost 20 years ago – we couldn’t chat on the phone anymore. Also, as he got older and mother’s health steadily declined, Daddy became less vibrant, less present.

I wasn’t able to go visit him during his last months, weeks, and days. Why not? He lived 540 miles away, in a small, hard-to-get-to town in Western Pennsylvania. To get there from Valhalla would take either a flight from Boston to Pittsburgh (getting to and from the airports + security check-ins and waits + flight time = 6.5 hours minimum travel time each way) or a 10 hour drive (each way). The length and hassle of the trips wouldn’t have been a big deal except for the fact that his final health downturn happened during my two year surgery-a-thon. You remember, ’20 and ’21 when I had brain surgery followed by spine surgery followed by more bean cutting (which took out my brain’s ability to talk to my left leg, which meant I had to retrain my head to communicate with my leg) which was followed by yet another spine op. Yeah, those were some serious big fun times.

Even after I was able to get around with a brace and walker, I was in a shit-ton of pain. Car rides? Yeah, NOT a happening thing. Even a 15 minute jaunt to my physical therapy appointments were killer. They made time spent on a rack or in an iron maiden look like cushy spa adventures. Let’s say I took a metric fuck-ton of painkillers and powered my way down to see him. What then? It was high COVID times.  I may, but more likely, may NOT have been allowed in to see him in his nursing home.

So, the old man clocked out on Juneteenth in 2021. Mia famiglia likes to exit on holidays. Why? Decorations are already up, big meal’s already planned, guests are already invited – just tryin’ to make life easier for the party planners, ya know? My mother left on Halloween. Daddy on Juneteenth. The Amazing Bob on July 4th and my Aunt Mary Ann on July 5th (close enough). Cousin Gary took the last train for the coast two days after New Year’s Day.

Me? I want my own damn day when I go. 

How am I going to remember and honor my father today? By being true to myself – not putting up with shit, reading whatever the fuck I want to read, maybe watching Sigourney Weaver kick some ass, eating sushi, having my half thimble serving of Jamo, and doing some goddamn physical therapy exercising (god, I hate that shit!).

How will you spend this beautiful Juneteenth?

Pics and Memes

Jen and Oni went to Maine for a nice long weekend and all I got was some nice pics. Oh...okay, okay. I also got some awesome dark chocolate coated malt balls, GIANT nonpareils, and a furry dark turquoise vest (because, being an elderly twat, I am ALWAYS cold). In any case, I'm not sharing my chocolates but I will share the pics as well as some random amusing memes. Yur welcome. Also, remember to take deep breaths and hydrate today.

There was a young lady from Gloucester
Who complained that her parents both bossed her,
So she ran off to Maine.
Did her parents complain?
Not at all -- they were glad to have lost her. 
~ John Ciardi, The Hopeful Trout and Other Limericks 

Portland could have been any city. Port Clyde was too uncluttered to be anything else. There is a reason Stephen King sets his stories in little Maine towns. They are too quiet to be believed wholly savory.
~ Thomm Quackenbush, Holidays with Bigfoot 

And if one had a sorrow, Maine was the best place to be.
~ Ruth Sawyer, Daddles: The Story of a Plain Hound-dog 

Wackaloon World

Welp, the news is insane this morning. I know, I know. Boyhowdy, that's a real solid shocker Donna. Tell me something new.

Is the world more wackaloon than yesterday? Maybe or maybe it just feels like it.

The transparently barking mad, clapped out con man in the White House says he left the G7 two-day summit early to deal with the escalating conflict between Iran and Israel. HAH! He left because Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney, as G7 chair, cut off his asinine Putin cheerleading lie-fest, his tired-ass lies about Obama, and his whinging lies about his own damn country. Basically, Carney, VERY diplomatically, stepped in and stopped the narcissistic orange wanker from performing his usual I'm-the-hero/victim-PAY-ATTENTION-TO-ME bitch-a-thon. (AKA jerking off in front of a captive audience).

The Tangerine Toddler is quite the sensitive little elderly twat, Especially so after his thorough, righteous humiliation by the weekend’s other events. Such as?

The 13.14 million citizens showing up to protest him and his blatantly incompetent and corrupt administration at the No Kings protests around the country. 

His theft of the Army’s birthday celebration – and effort to turn it into a Soviet style wankfest – where there were more soldiers marching (apparently reluctantly) than spectators in the stands. It was so dull that, with his yawning (and not bothering to cover their mouths) sycophantic henchman seated around him, the birthday boy took his afternoon nap.

At Rate Field in Chicago, Pope Leo XIV, the new guy, drew nearly three times as many people for his first American address. 30,000 came out to watch a live-streamed eight minute video speech. Ouch! That just had to hurt  Mr. Poopy Pants’s fee-fees, eh?

Smoke rises from the Iranian state TV building 
in Tehran after an Israeli strike. 
Photo: Stringer/Getty Images

Oh and TOTALLY stealing his thunder was one of his own devotees, Vance Boelter. Shame on Vancey for stealing Dear Leader’s thunder and on his big boy birthday weekend too!

Getting back to Israel, Iran, and Trump – yeah, AS IF anyone is gonna listen to anything an obviously drug addled, utterly clueless, and never-too-bright-to-begin-with lunatic has to say. Dude wasn’t out of the loop on Zelenskyy’s Operation Spiderweb just because he’s Putin’s obvious tattler. 

And Netanyahu possibly FYIed him about bombing Iran OR possibly he did not. Maybe Bibi, oopsie, mislaid Trumpy’s phone number. Maybe he mentioned it while Stinky was taking a brief snooze? We’ll never know for sure because old Donnie’s, as uszh, lying out of all his orifices at once. 

Bottom line? EVERYONE on the planet knows the man’s a complete moron, a dolt, and an astoundingly leaky sieve and it would be, at best, foolish and, at worst, suicidal, to trust him with ANY sensitive information. 

Meanwhile Russian missiles and drones are raining down on Ukraine. There are 15 more dead and 116 more injured today, with most of the casualties in Kyiv. The felonious egomaniac’s hero is responsible for that.

War, huh (good God y'all)
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, say it again
War (whoa), huh (oh Lord)
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing, listen to me
War – Edwin Starr