The 7 Deadly-ish Sins

I can only name 2 of the official ones -- laziness and being fat. Sloth and Gluttony. I believe I’ve got those covered.

I’m a wee bit unclear on the rest so I decided, resourceful soul that I am, to make my own list.

NUMBER ONE -- fashion faux pas.

At the top of this flock of odious sinners are adults who wear pastel, ruffles and, obviously most offensive, dusters. Pastel and ruffles are only appropriate for children UNDER the age of 8. That’s the cut off -- you can look it up!

Dusters? Oh please -- if you're at all unsure, you’re much too far gone. Your seat in Hell has been assigned. Dusters belong, if anywhere, on actual real, live cowboys. These men and women do NOT live east of the Mississippi, nor can they be found within 100 miles of an urban area. They’re all in far flung Exurbistan where we don’t have to view their poor clothing choices or watch them chew snuff. **shudder**

And, you know....while I’m at it, fur looks triple plus awesome on the original owner. In this advanced age, in this time, it really doesn’t come across as anything but ghoulish, insecure and all conspicuously consumptive on humans.

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 Learn your job, your craft. You’re a pressman, a mechanic, a teacher, a therapist, an electromagnetic physicist -- awesome. Do it well -- take pride in your fine performance. Do it to the best of your abilities every day and learn more. Every day.

Same goes for bartenders.

The Second Deadly Sin in the Book of Donna is this -- being a bartender and NOT knowing how to make a dry gin martini or a cosmopolitan. C’mon! I couldn’t have simpler wants/needs on a bet!

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 This, naturally, brings us to the snow closing/essential workers only announcements. Who decides who’s essential and who’s not? Yeah, yeah, I get that nurses, doctors, firefighters and cops are essential but....but so is that adorable barista who makes me the most awesome skinny moccacino!

So, the Third Deadly-ish Sin -- not considering my coffee enjoyment/consumption needs during nor 'easters.

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Weightlifting to the point that, in a man, you have bigger tits than me. Mind you, this is a challenge but if you ‘succeed’ through pumping iron versus the natural physical labors of your job -- well, you need to find a life. Desperately. PUH-leeze, do humanity a favor and get out of the gym occasionally! Have a real life. Read a book!

Fourth Deadly-ish Sin

Should you notice that your neck is wider than your head -- please take note -- ICK and GROSS! Not even Henry Rollins could rock that look. Go eat a slice of red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting -- you’ll feel better.

Really.

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A sin that's all personal to me -- Numero Fünf: Assuming a deaf or blind or lame person is also intellectually and/or emotionally crippled.

Christ almighty!

Hello? Do the names Beethoven, Evelyn Glennie, Gabriel Fauré, Stephen Hawking, Pythagoras, Newton, Einstein, Claude Monet, Ray Charles ring any bells? AND my mother, for fuck’s sake. With almost no hearing as well as rapidly fading vision she went back to school and then on to become an art therapist. She was in her mid 60s when she began her degree program.

So then -- I lost my hearing, not my intellect or talents. Phlbbt!

Hmmm, I seem to be out of deadly-ish sins for the night. Or maybe these are just kvetches. Ah well, you know me -- I’ll always find something new to whine about.

Or was that wine? A nice Sauvignon Blanc -- heavy on that wild grassy freshness, thanks!
Brian Eno -- Seven Deadly Finns