It’s far too easy for too many of us, hell MOST of us, to forget how valuable we are, to forget the skills and talents that we bring into the different environments of our lives.
Now, some skills/talents pay ridiculously, obscenely out of proportion well -- like Yankee third basemen (yeah, Mr. Rodriguez I’m talkin’ about you), professional statue (hey, that’s GOT to take years of sacrifice and endless practice to achieve a petulant look like that!), purse dog to drug addicted poor little rich girl (Paris Hilton’s dog Pug Mugsy? Poor bastard probably earns every one of those chicken jerky treats though).
You see where I'm going with this...right? I have some very special talents which have been totally underutilized. These should yield BIG paydays -- HUGE, I tell you!
Fer instance, and I believe there are others who have these innate skills but perhaps it’s all latent and shit:
1) Itinerant Perfume Judging. This requires a heightened sense of smell, one which is particularly acute when in bars teaming with young urban professionals hoping to score big. Advising folks that the scent they’ve 'spritzed' on has all the allure of two day old gym socks after a marathon run through baby poop with just a hint of burnt Gummy Worm over top requires skill and talent. Boyhowdy, I've got this nailed! Not everyone can or will walk up to a total stranger and be this helpful and selflessly honest.
Alright, being able to duck very quickly and make a fast escape is pretty key too.
2) Misbehaving Driver Scolding. A lot of us do this, like breathing, but can we all say that we deserve to be handsomely compensated for it? No, no -- takes more than an erect middle finger to get the big bucks...or, it should. C’mon, unleash your inner Bukowski and go with it OR I should get a recording contract for my car time. You know “WTF are you doing, you jellied piece of toad excrement? What, you woke this morning and found you were Roger Miller? Wow, had I known I’d have packed flowers to strew in your path!” and then there’s the ever popular “Get the fuck off the phone and DR-II-IIVE!” Yes, 'drive' becomes a 3 syllable word here.
The Amazing Bob doesn’t drive, he likes to let me have all the jollies, but a few years back he joined in the fun and now even initiates. I am so too a good influence!
This is important stuff -- you may wish to begin taking notes.
3) Cookie Tester -- TAB and I would be just darling at this. It’s a spiritual calling really and we are nothing if not spiritual and shit.
4) Painter of Nekkid Folk. See this is an honest and true dealio but somehow I think I’ve a better chance of getting paid fto insult people.
What's your under appreciated talent? C'mon,
I'd really like to know!
King of the Road -- Roger Miller
Now, some skills/talents pay ridiculously, obscenely out of proportion well -- like Yankee third basemen (yeah, Mr. Rodriguez I’m talkin’ about you), professional statue (hey, that’s GOT to take years of sacrifice and endless practice to achieve a petulant look like that!), purse dog to drug addicted poor little rich girl (Paris Hilton’s dog Pug Mugsy? Poor bastard probably earns every one of those chicken jerky treats though).
You see where I'm going with this...right? I have some very special talents which have been totally underutilized. These should yield BIG paydays -- HUGE, I tell you!Fer instance, and I believe there are others who have these innate skills but perhaps it’s all latent and shit:
1) Itinerant Perfume Judging. This requires a heightened sense of smell, one which is particularly acute when in bars teaming with young urban professionals hoping to score big. Advising folks that the scent they’ve 'spritzed' on has all the allure of two day old gym socks after a marathon run through baby poop with just a hint of burnt Gummy Worm over top requires skill and talent. Boyhowdy, I've got this nailed! Not everyone can or will walk up to a total stranger and be this helpful and selflessly honest.
Alright, being able to duck very quickly and make a fast escape is pretty key too.2) Misbehaving Driver Scolding. A lot of us do this, like breathing, but can we all say that we deserve to be handsomely compensated for it? No, no -- takes more than an erect middle finger to get the big bucks...or, it should. C’mon, unleash your inner Bukowski and go with it OR I should get a recording contract for my car time. You know “WTF are you doing, you jellied piece of toad excrement? What, you woke this morning and found you were Roger Miller? Wow, had I known I’d have packed flowers to strew in your path!” and then there’s the ever popular “Get the fuck off the phone and DR-II-IIVE!” Yes, 'drive' becomes a 3 syllable word here.
This is important stuff -- you may wish to begin taking notes.
3) Cookie Tester -- TAB and I would be just darling at this. It’s a spiritual calling really and we are nothing if not spiritual and shit.
4) Painter of Nekkid Folk. See this is an honest and true dealio but somehow I think I’ve a better chance of getting paid fto insult people.
What's your under appreciated talent? C'mon,
I'd really like to know!
King of the Road -- Roger Miller
I. See. Parking Spaces. This should be worth $$$$, no?! I have amazing "Parking Carma"
ReplyDeleteOh maaaan, that totally WINS!
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