*Best Friends Forever for those of you living under a linguistic rock and, yes, I checked in with my youthful hip bartender friends, They say the phrase is still in; not yet passe. I trust their knowledge and wisdom on all things hip and not.
1) You have conversations that others, who don’t know and love you bigly, might find astoundingly dull. And you’re not bored.
You have these talks daily. Often it’s the exact same discussion on the joys of quinoa versus brown rice, the obvious superiority of Jamesons over Bushmills, how the quality of Victoria’s Secret’s panties (Jen’s MOST hated word and yes, of course I put that in there just to annoy her) has gone so far downhill that you’d shop for underdrawers from the Land’s End catalogue before walking into Vicky’s again. And what’s the name of that great barkeep -- you know, the young one who looked liked Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller? Yeah, I asked her that just last week too.
Just like the much loved (by me anyway), endless Arlo Guthrie song, Alice’s Restaurant, all topics eventually come ‘back round on the guitar again.’
and nope -- we’re still not snoozing though our dialogue.
2) Included in the daily observation fest must be the continuing commentary on how you slept, the morning’s BM (with points awarded for exceptional size and stench) /hurl fest/crampage and/or bloody mess (that’d be me since she beat me to the finish line in the menopause olympics. bitch).
Yes, yes, yezzzzzz -- these are crude, unseemly, even barnyard-esque topics. But when you’re BFFs, that dainty/persnickety feature is low functioning -- possibly it's been disconnected entirely.
3) You become, seemingly, clairvoyant Or so it seems. As Jen puts it ‘My mind to your mind... my thoughts to your thoughts...’ Yeah, there’s a fair chance we’ve watched too much Star Trek but...even so!!!!
One example -- Jen and I were sitting at the Frog and Peach, having our post work adult fruity bev. I asked her if she had a book to read for our upcoming flight to visit my folks. She began signing back to me the name of the novel but suffered a fingerspelling killing hand cramp after the first letter, a C. Before she tried again I said ‘Oh, The Night Circus -- great book!’
It was a reasonable guess as I’d given the book to her a while back. OK, this isn’t so magical and mystical but sharing a brain is still a good indication of BFF-dom. Plus, it cuts down on our carbon footprint.
or something.
4) You put up with each others social peccadilloes and oddities. OK, to be all fair and accurate, she puts up with mine. Now that I’m a big ol’ deafie, I’m a tad slow to start up conversations with strangers. So I ask Jen to do it for me -- OK, I tell not ask. If it’s a social thing versus asking for directions or the like, she usually says ‘NO I’m not gonna ask him/her that!’ I’m all ‘c’MON, don’t ya wanna know where he’s from/where she got that cool tat/who they think is the hottest band at The Middle East this year and why.’
This generally earns me the single raised eyebrow stare. So I address the strangers. I start the talk rolling and then she has to ‘terp their response. Shyness be damned! She’s dragged into the maybe-not-so-Algonquin-Round-Table-esque banter anyway. I’m all evil like that, you know.
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