*while flushing your credibility down the toiletMaybe you’re a manager trying to make a point with an employee. Perhaps you’re a wage slave attempting to persuade the boss to see things your way. It could be that you’re a flock of pals trying to sort out a complicated issue. Possibly you’re a consultant, having a conversation with one of the folks responsible for hiring you.
I really want to help you avoid the immolation of your credibility and the complete destruction of any/all chances you’ll ever be listened to again (outside of a court of law possibly).
Let’s say your gig involves being a go between, a neutral party to a group -- a family say -- who desperately need help in managing a complicated situation and communicating more effectively about said predicament.
The following are some handy tips which I sincerely hope will help.
No No Numero Uno
Neutrality is key -- it’s one of the things you’re being paid for. Therefore NEVER become best buds with any of the parties. And DO NOT take sides. You’re Sweden, you’re Switzerland with a healthy dose of Bill Richardson, Madeleine Albright and old Otto von Bismarck too.
No No Numero Due
Confidentiality is a part of the job. It’s not enough to merely SAY you respect private communication, you must actually do just that. Running off to tell others what’s been said is a grand way to make any delicate situation significantly worse. It’s especially irksome if you’ve asked whether or not you could make the conversation contents public and been told:
A) No.
B) I don’t feel that’s wise given the situation and could make matters worse.
and/or
C) Can you find a way to assist without referring to this specific conversation?
In case you’re unclear -- all of those responses are a big ol’ negatory good buddy. If you’ve done this, MEGA congrats -- you’ve just made a complicated situation a bazillion times worse. Nice job!
No No Numéro Trois
When having email conversations with anyone about, pretty much, anything, remember that tone and humor often do not translate, especially if you’re not BFFs and/or haven't known each other forever and a day.
Additionally, unless you have the comedic chops of a Carlin, a Bruce, Robin Williams or Woody Allen you’re never going to successfully pull off a ‘joke’ at a deaf person’s expense.
If you’ve committed this stupendously unlucky faux pas, you’ve crossed the Rubicon of acceptable professional conduct. In fact, you’re in another star system now.
and finally (for now)
No No Zahl Vier
In your role as negotiator, diplomat, caregiver or just living, breathing human being on this good green earth, it’s considered dreadfully boorish and unhelpful to tell folks who’ve been threatened, humiliated and/or castigated that they should just ‘get over it.’
I think that one is pretty self explanatory if you’ve at least two functioning brain cells anyway.
OK, that’s my rant for the day. I’m off to enjoy the beauty and calm of the surf.
