Old Devil Time, I'm Gonna Fool You Now

Every time Donna’s Brain Pit Crew and Neurological Wizard Band give me a hall pass, whenever they say ‘You’re stable. Come back in 3, 4, 6, 12 months,’ I feel like I’ve gotten a reprieve. I’ve successfully bought time.

What if time could be purchased? You know, walk into the corner grocery and just pick a 6 off the shelf.

What sort off quantities would it be available in and how would it be packaged? In a bottle, I’ll bet. I’m thinking, when I step into my local market, Harvest,  I’ll find beautiful cobalt blue bottles.

Who would decide the increments?

Minutes, maybe even seconds will come in those wee half pint containers like juice or milk at the school cafeteria. Why buy time in such small amounts? It’s, of course, for when you need a few extra moments  to screw your courage up just a few more notches for:

* the big talk with boss. You know, the ‘I need a raise/more interesting tasks/time off’ chat that you’ve just been dreading and obsessing about for months.

* the semester end presentation which will count as 80% of your final grade.

* that big date with Prince Charming you finally scored. Hair, makeup and sartorial statement need a smidge more primping and, oh god, how do I go about NOT sounding like the self involved prima donna that I am!

OK, maybe the pint size would be better.

Quart sizes will contain days, 24 hour periods. Do ya wanna spend just one more day with the dearly departed (I’m thinking of my Aunt Mary Ann here!), one more sun up/sun down in Kripalu’s spiritual warm bath or maybe just another day on that magical Truro vaca? This is the size for you!

Maybe you need/want to buy months or even years. Ouch – that’s gonna run some major buckos.

* Know you’re gonna lose all your hearing and/or sight, you know...just for example, but don’t have a firm ex date on those suckers? You just know it’s a matter of, yep, time before they crap out?

The 2 liter size of Donna’s Delightful Era Expander is just the thing for you. Buy it by the case though.

Purchasable chronology, like wine, would vary wildly in quality. Of course. Though, JUST like vino, the Italians will always excel – even the cheap stuff, if Italian, will be happily existable.

What’s the tempus equivalent of plonk? Hospital waiting room stretches would be the Boone’s Farm of buyable span. It’s cheap and totally, full on, NOT worth the money. One more day with Mary Ann, unconscious yet still in pain, at Southwestern Vermont Medical Center. Ah...no. I wouldn’t wish that on either of us.

For that one more day with the longed for loved one, we’d need to invest in the primo stuff.

Time, even plonk time, won’t be inexpensive. That extra day at the beach? The day when you discovered you’d (OK, ‘I discovered I’d’) follow the future husband (The Amazing Bob™– duh) to the dark side of the moon and back, (without a sweater too!), just to be with him – that’s gonna run a month’s salary. At least. Extending that late October shopping day in Bennington, followed by lunch at Carmody’s, with Mary Ann? Probably a nother month worth of paychecks.

Some eager beaver type with a freshly minted MBA could make gobs, heaps and bags 'o' benjamins here. Where are they?!

Old Devil Time -- Pete Seeger