Pass The Mic

My practically new (OK, 2 year old) hearing aid seems to be in the early stages of crap-out-itude. Double plus merde! I have, in case I haven’t told y’all this a thousand times before, the tiniest, wee smidgen of hearing on my right side (not a drop on the left).  

With the aid in I can experience sound in a general, very basic kind of a way.

Specifically, I can understand/grasp/process some very simple noises like an ambulance siren (handy as hell when I’m driving), loud motorcycles (sigh) and astoundingly, if it’s a real quiet day and the surf’s all tall and proud,  I can actually hear the beautiful music of the waves hitting the beach. Awesome, I’m tellin’ ya!

No music, no conversation (without lip reading) -- you could be yelling at me (and please don’t. that’s just rude AND you just look like a bully and an igit), Eddie Vedder could be two feet away from me, screaming Rockin’ In The Free World with Neil going all Crazy Horse on guitar -- all I’ll hear is thumps, thuds and metallic clattering.

The complex sounds of tune-age and speech are too much for my neurologically damaged brain to process. Yeah, way sucks BUT, with the hearing aid, I get enough noise to make lip-reading less onerous. This wee bit of sound, while I watch your mouth move, helps me to make better guesses and estimations, as to what you’re trying to communicate.

Seeing as how I’m like the polar opposite of the loner type, this has been a mega huge boon for me. I’ve come to really rely on this lovely bit of tech.

Need/MUST Have/WANT

Here’s the prob -- they’re expensive as all hell AND they have fairly short life-spans. I hear tell, (smirk), that there are some health plans which actually cover some if not all of the giant price tag.

what I'll end up with

Which brings us to Nummer zwei Problem -- I work for a small, independently owned printing company. My employer covers half the monthly bill for my insurance but the plan is a meager one at best. The health insurance industry only sells in bulk. That is, the fewer employees the higher the price tag. Small biz gets the royal shaft. Big corporations get all the breaks.

So, I’m stuck with the full freight for a new aid (if this one is unfixable) which’ll run, for the least expensive models, a minimum of $1300. Big joy.

I only mention it, warning to the Freunde and all, don’t go defending those bloodsucking, bone marrow snacking, zombiebrained (not to dis zombies, mind you), roundworm moralled, golf playing, maggot-hearted health insurance suits to me! You know, it might start me up on a rant or something.

And then I’d need a nap.

Beastie Boys -- Pass the Mic
Paul Simon -- Sound of Silence