Hoop Jumping at MGH

Relaxation imagery -- surfers at Nantasket paddling out

Had an MRI yesterday and MEIN GOTT I’m worn out! I know I’ve spoken of my spectacularly well developed, muscular even, claustrophobia levels before.

I thought, since last year’s dance with the sugar plum magnetic tubes, I was fine. Good to go. Past my freak outs to end all freak outs in that blasted machine.

And I am. Pretty much. Maybe.

I arrived at the MRI department within the Yawkey Center at Mass General. I’ve had good -- OK, not full blown atrocious, luck in their tubes.

The intake tech (very nice woman with the sweetest, pale, after dinner mint green nail varnish) does the usual pre-hell interview.

Have you removed all your jewelry, barrettes and watch?  si 

Do you have any metal within your body?  nein

Tattoos?  not yet
Could you be pregnant?   HAH!
When was your last period?  I can’t remember that far back. I think Grover Cleveland was president though.
Any surgeries?  Please check the hospital database -- there’s not enough space on this form to list them all.
Any history of kidney disease?  nope

And the queries go on and on.

I’m ready to pop into the vault now. I’ve timed my drugs to the test, had my pre-MRI Pinot Noir. I’m psyched up and ready.

We need to move you over to the Ellison facility now. Can you walk?

Yes, yes but...what? You said Ellison, NOT Founders, right?! I routinely freak at Founders. Can’t do it.

Ellison, yes. Goodness, you walk fast.

The Ellison tech takes me through the same Q&A and then tells me that they’re now moving me over to the Wang Building MRIs.

Christ almighty in a petri dish, this is annoying and beginning to spark my pretty-damn-close-to-the-surface-anyway anxieties.

He brings out the wheelchair.

No, no man. I can walk and lets go, go, go. My drugs are wearing off. Get me into the damn tube before I can’t. And we’re going to Wang NOT Founders -- right?!

OK, now we’re at Wang and the real fun begins. This MRI (for my liver) means that my mid-section is strapped down versus my head (for the brain). It’s less panic inducing but still far less than ideal (Ideal would be to not have to go through these tests at all, thenkyew very much!).

Relaxation imagery -- home at dawn

Now, I’d love to lay there doing my relaxation exercises -- visualization, telling myself detailed, long-ish stories (usually about underdrawer shopping expeditions with Jean Luc Picard), focusing on releasing the tension in my body -- part by part, inch by inch. You know, concentrating on anything besides where I am. But no. With this test, I have to hold my breath for a minute at various, too-frequent-to-get-my-mind-otherwise-absorbed, intervals. Since I can’t hear the techs (being a deafie and all), someone has to be in the room with me to reach in and tap me when it's time to stop breathing.

Thank Bast Jen was there!

I got through the hour long ordeal but was seriously on the edge of pushing the panic button the entire time.

I’ve got four more MRIs to get through in June. If they play musical imaging departments with me again -- well, I just dunno.