Staying Married is a short excerpt from health happiness LOVE longevity peace prosperity and SAFETY.
My wife’s first impulse always seemed to be an offer of dissolution. At first, I thought maybe my past had left some mark, some stain like a nightclub stamp, or a behavioral tell that was obvious to everyone but me, and she was offering me an out before I asked for one. If that were the case, I wanted to reassure her. I was different than I had been—I was all in on this. But even after relentless consistency on my part, every impasse in our marriage was approached first with an offer to dissolve the relationship.
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| Author and daughter |
What kid survives divorce without a broken heart and a jaundiced view of love? How do you say to her that we’re going to dismantle the world you’ve known, that you’re just beginning to understand?
I never had an answer to that. I could move on, but I couldn’t leave a child I love in the wake of something like that.
So I met her offers of dissolution with offers of engagement, and became suspicious of what she said was love.
Beyond the emotional welfare of my daughter, there was everyone’s financial welfare. I was seventy-five percent of the income, a hundred percent of saving for college and retirement. I was just starting to see some momentum toward those ends (despite the best efforts of the Republicans). What would happen to that if I had to pay not only the mortgage, but alimony and child support, and rent for my own place? Our tenuous grasp on the middle class and good public schools would be gone, and I’d be the mule for two struggling households.
Even if she didn’t love me, it was in everyone’s interest at that point to strive for civility and cohabitation.
Crossposted at Goodreads.
