Personal Mutations

People change and forget to tell each other.
~Lillian Hellman 

Do we really, truly change over the passing years?

After seeing Same Time Next Year way back when I was 20, I figured Yes. Yes we do. Over the years though, I've found that not even styles of dress change as much as Ellen Burstyn’s charater did.

Maybe we just evolve or devolve, mature or not, grow and, by turns, stagnate. Perhaps we only ever become more of who we are or were always meant to be.

Still and all, I wanna know, is real core change possible?

Q: How many shrinks does it take to change a light bulb

A: One but the bulb really has to want to change

We can certainly change our behaviors — lose weight, stop drinking, gain new skills, become less aggressive/more aggressive. You know, with a shit-ton of hard work and will power we can tweak our habits and deportment but do we actually change at the center of our being? Do we become a different person wearing the same old body?

I knew a violent, abusive, asshole alcoholic who, when all sobered up, still had his shitbaggian ways.

There was the sweet, heroin addict acquaintance who, both before and after quitting, was an intelligent, truly lovely if mega insecure soul.  Another junkie that I knew, was a shy, charming, hipster-y thing, given to cutting herself. Last I heard, she'd gone to detox. Afterward, though off the smack, her self injury escalated and she went inpatient at a mental health facility.

There’s the past co-worker who was a real rabid dog — always picking fights or being sneeringly condescending. After marriage to a solid, take-no-bullshit woman, he became calmer — maybe more thoughtful and considered. Though he'd occasionally lapse back into angry ostrich mode, he became, generally, MUCH less painful to be around.

Shifts in behavior and environment, not core changes.

There’s the blogger John Cole who went through a transformation — he was a Republican and then, as though scales had fallen from his eyes, became a Democrat.

And while Republicans may very well have been crazy for decades, the outright ugliness, I think, has escalated beyond measure. The hideous treatment of Graeme Frost was the final straw, I guess. It was just the last, final, “WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?” moment. You see the same thing from the same folks as they viciously attack Trayvon Martin for his horrible sin of being gunned down in cold blood.

Mister Cole's shift was a reaction to the insane atmosphere in which he found himself. He was always a good guy.

Again, can we/do we ever change from the basement level on up?

...we can change our behaviors and our reactions and even our thoughts, and while we can work to maximize our greatest attributes and minimize our greatest shortcomings, our essence–who we are at a basic level–doesn’t really change.

I imagine that my high school tormentors are still a load of toad-brained fuckwads though some of them MIGHT have learned how to mask their base natures.

Did they, in turn, raise bullies? Seems the odds of producing chips off the old block is equal to or greater than having kiddles who rebel against their parents’ odious example.  Katie Hurley, a Child, Adolescent, and Family Psychotherapist, believes that bullying is def a learned behavior — you can read more of her thoughts/reasoning here at the Can Do Street blog.

The final stanza of Paul Simon’s Train in the Distance comes to mind:

What is the point of this story?
What information pertains
The thought that life could be better
Is woven indelibly
Into our hearts
And our brains

I want to believe that we’re all capable of positive, fundamental innovation and growth. but maybe the most we can hope for is behavioral improvements, an evolution of our habits.

I’ll take it.