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Friday, October 17, 2014

Ex nihilo nihil fit

What Animal Were You in a Past Life?
You were the Dolphin. A cheerful, bright, energetic being, you are the life of your friends and family. You care about everyone immensely, and would go to any ends to protect them and keep them happy.

Yada, yada, yada...

Which Greek God Are You?
Hermes—Messenger of the Gods. You’re witty and creative, and a man (¿Que? Last time I checked the plumbing, I was def rockin‘ the girl thing) who loves to travel the world. Your thirst for the unknown knows no limits! You’re good with words, a skilled orator and quite possibly a writer. 

Blah, blah, blah...

Which Marvel Hero Are You?
Human Torch—You’re a true hero with your adventurous spirit and fierce determination to overcome any source of evil. You’ve been through some rough times, but have come out stronger as a result.


These silly quizzes are surely that — just so much foolishness — but there’s more. The questions occasionally tease out just the teensiest bit of who you might mebbe be (if you answer them as honestly as humanly possible given their mega broad, limited scope) and spit back some result that they imagine would make us happy. Or that’s how it seems to me. I’ve yet to get back results that say anything like, fer example:

Past life animal?
In a previous incarnation you were a Saltwater Crocodile — big, hideous and ill-tempered.

Greek God?
Nope, you were Cerberus the three-headed Hell hound with a serpent's tail, a nasty-ass snake bouffant and a manicure that only an enraged lion could love. And your gig? Guarding the gates of Hades so those weasly spirits couldn’t escape. Yup — monster ugly, no god powers and, worse, you were the underworld equivalent of a mall cop.

Marvel Superhero?
You were Squirrel Girl, a mutated rodent girl. Your superpower? Lethal perkiness.

Yeah, somehow I don’t think the Quiz masters would get a lot of repeat biz with less than flattering test results. That maybe could queer their ad contacts with Honda, the NFL, Jeep and McDonalds too. No ads, no bucks, no more little ego-boosting, sometimes fun, silly quizzes.

Ex nihilo nihil fit
I think Mister Billy Preston put this best and in song, no less!

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