What To Do When You Can't Sleep

So there I was, laying in bed tense as all fuck — stressing about financial issues, what foods I should NOT have eaten that day (hint: tortilla chips), regretting the second glass of wine that I TOTALLY didn’t need, worrying about our sched for the week (conflicts between our many doc appointments?) and, randomly, trying to remember the date of my last huge brain do up (was it ten years ago this month? why can’t I recall — it was kind of a big deal don’cha know).

The much desired temp coma state proved elusive.

My efforts to achieve glorious sleepy-bye included:

Deep breathing exercises — got impatient after 5 deep breathes wondering when the fuck am I gonna feel chilled out already?

Relaxation routines. Specifically progressive muscle relaxation .

• Take a few minutes to relax, breathing in and out in slow, deep breaths (AGAIN with the deep breathing!)
• When you’re relaxed (if I was ALREADY relaxed would I be doing this?!) and ready to start, shift your attention to your right foot. Take a moment to focus on the way it feels.
• Slowly tense the muscles in your right foot, squeezing as tightly as you can. Hold for a count of 10.
• Relax your right foot. Focus on the tension flowing away and the way your foot feels as it becomes limp and loose.
• Stay in this relaxed state for a moment, breathing deeply and slowly.
• When you’re ready, shift your attention to your left foot. Follow the same sequence of muscle tension and release.
• Move slowly up through your body, contracting and relaxing the muscle groups as you go.

Fab practice, often works a treat but, yeah, a complete non starter last night.

Then I thought about taking a long blindingly hot shower. This was good. I wasn’t sleepy afterward but I was finally warm and my muscles weren't so godawful tight anymore. I imagine, if I had that longed for hot tub, I’d be in it every night. Hot bubbling water — more effective than Valium.

After the shower, I took a long time about moisturizing in that great steamy bathroom. I’ve got some tremendous aloe gel goo shit that makes my skin feel ALL better. Hot misty air and aloe soaking into my derma — me and the ZZZZs were gonna be up close and personal in seconds! Sleep was mine! Right?

Nope.

I came downstairs and made a cup of Valerian tea. Not as tasty as Sleepy Time Pomegranate BUT it’s supposed to be much stronger. NOT strong enough though.

I thought about catching up on correspondence — replying to emails from friends. Great idea but got totally distracted by Sherman Alexie’s latest tweet string and Words with Friends.

I balanced my checkbook.

Paid bills.

And am, now, much less stressed about finances. OK sleep, I’m ready for you now! We're gonna do the REM Boogie right now, right?

Nyet.

I found the paperwork I need for reapplying for health insurance. yea me.

Reviewed the upcoming week's calendar  — made sure there’s no overlaps.

Applied flea-be-gone to my poor ravaged Rocco. I was worried he’d kick up a real fuss, freak madly but no, not at all. Good boy.

Reviewed pics taken over the last couple days to see if there are any keepers. No astounding wonders but a few nice snaps.

Made more tea.

Read.

And now I see that it’s just about the hour when I usually get up to start the day.

Great. Lovely. Maybe I'll crawl into bed and see if Morpheus will pay me a wee, belated visit. I wonder if he's bribe-able.