Besties

Maybe you've seen or read this book already, MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche. I just stumbled across it.

It’s the tale of a young woman’s quest to find a new batch of best buds. She’d moved from her home in New York, back to her old college town to be with her beau (and then husband).

When Rachel Bertsche first moves to Chicago, she’s thrilled to finally share a zip code, let alone an apartment, with her boyfriend. But shortly after getting married, Bertsche realizes that her new life is missing one thing: friends. ~~snip~~ She’ll go on fifty-two friend-dates, one per week for a year, in hopes of meeting her new Best Friend Forever.

In her thought-provoking, uproarious memoir, Bertsche blends the story of her girl-dates (whom she meets everywhere from improv class to friend rental websites) with the latest social research to examine how difficult—and hilariously awkward—it is to make new friends as an adult.

The concept sounded great when I was perusing the latest pushed sellers at Barnes and Noble. I wanted something amusing and breezy.

What I didn’t expect was how much it would cause me to think.

I discovered, within the first chapter or so, that Bertsche is young (very) from a happy upper middle class family and grew up in comfortable (median household income $81,946!) Westchester county. Throughout childhood she went to summer camp in Maine (and LOVED it. My hatred of summer camp was boundless). In college she belonged to a sorority (in the late '70s, this was the absolute apex of plastic conformity. Dunno whether it still is) and went on from there to a successful (in her 20s yet!) journalism career. She married her college sweetheart (in a big white wedding—cue Mister Idol please) who became a lawyer. They now live in an upscale Chicago neighborhood. When she wrote the book—the story of her year in search of a new, local BFFs—she was just 28.

Rachel—well adjusted, with mainstream tastes and habits, career focused, healthy, from an emotionally stable, well to do family—couldn’t be more different from me on a bet.  Relatively speaking, this is someone who was born on easy street. Why did I continue reading? I like visiting foreign countries and meeting people who are different from myself. It's interesting and enlightening. Plus, I truly found the the concept, her focused search, fascinating and inspiring.

When in my 20s and new to Boston, I was on the hunt for friends too. (See? Commonalities!) I took a few night classes (graphic design, medical illustration and ceramic chemistry), made a friend or two (no BFFs though), had a few fun nights out with classmates but that was it. I met most of my closest chums at work.

I sometimes, morbidly, wonder what would I do if Jen were to dump my fat arse for some other strange, old broad. I doubt I’d have the energy to do the thorough, exhaustive hunt that Bertsche pulled off. Plus, at 56, I don’t expect to have the big wide social network that I did in my 20s or 30s. Work, family, health issues all make hanging out on a regular basis not so simple and easy for any of us.

So, what would I do? I’d try to connect with old friends more. I’d take classes (more ASL to start), get involved in those Meetup group thingies, go to the local deaf socials more often, join the Y and travel more.

Now that I think on it, these are all things I should do whether Jen dumps my moldering carcass or not. More the merrier and shit.

Ms. Bertsche didn't just write about all her rendezvous, she researched the salubrious effects of having good friends. Turns out there's a grand mas ton of info out there on the benefits of BFFs. A quick googling turned up mega articles from Health Magazine, the Mayo Clinic, WebMD, the Cleveland Clinic and more.

Having close friends is a BIG fucking deal. Who knew?