Social Skills 2.0

As with my Mac, I'm forever attempting to install upgrades on my abilities.

Social skills are the skills we use to communicate and interact with each other, both verbally and non-verbally, through gestures, body language and our personal appearance.

Important ones to remember:
1) Listen to what other people have to say. Don’t assume you know what’s gonna come out of their mouths. You don’t. I don’t. None of us do.

I’d like a do over of that chitchat from last week with the Trump supporter. Instead of attempting to introduce him to reality, I’d like to just ask Why do you believe Trump’d make a good president? Even though Mister Trump Booster wasn’t interested in what I had to say, I would’ve liked to have heard, straight from the source, why a sentient human being, who’s not wearing a pointy white hood, would vote for a Trump (or a Cruz for that matter).

Related to listening to others is this important bit:
2) Take turns when you talk. My Trump buddy was all about proselytizing, not so much with the convo. He was, basically, just jerking off. That’s a great way to make the person you’re jawing at run away. Which I did. Being slimed with fact free, inchoate red meat, illogic jizz just ain’t my thing. Dig?

Contrary to popular custom, listening is more than just waiting for your turn to speak.

3) Knowing how, when and how much to talk about yourself - 'self disclosure.’  This isn’t just a don’t dominate the discussion tip.
I know a man, an honest to Bast adult, who was fascinated by the fact that he was attracted to the same sort of woman over and again. He really wanted to discover the root of this and seemed to think everyone else was interested as well. The topic came up at the most bizarre times, like when he wrote a condolence note to an older, buttoned-down relative, who’d just lost his beloved wife. Yes, my reliably inappropriate friend brought his sexual predilections into play even here. He honestly thought that it was appropriate and a compliment to tell Uncle that he so admired the dearly departed that, ever after, he was attracted to women of a similar build.

Not only did he make himself look like a total self obsessed loon (which, to be fair, he was), he lost any chance of continuing a friendship with his father’s brother. Indecorous words at a radically bad time. Plus, this was NOT a person who would, even at the best of times, appreciate this bit of TMI.

4) Which brings us to empathy. Try to get into the mocs, Chucks, Psychadelic platform dancing boots, clogs or whatever of the person with whom you’re attempting connection. 

Empathy 
noun
the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. 

Which is a close relative to:

Grok
verb (used with object)
to understand thoroughly and intuitively.

I've mentioned my friend (of the ex variety) who said, upon hearing that I was going in for another round of brain salad surgery, Oh, I've had a headache for a couple of days now. She thought that whinging on about her stress headache was a show of support. Misery loves company, right? Not in this case, NO.

Empathy FAIL! So then, think before you speak.

Why’s this all come up now? Jen, Oni and I, during our weekend teatime, have been watching Dexter. You know, the story of a Miami police blood spatter expert who’s also a serial killer of evil baddies who’ve escaped justice.

 Executive producer Sara Colleton describes him as a guy who doesn’t feel he’s a human being, who has to fake it. But in faking it, he’s a better brother, boyfriend, colleague than most real people.

Ya know, if Dexter can recognize and triumph over his inner demons, learn to channel the beast, can’t we all?