Road Queen

Stumbled over while lost—what is this cool shit!?

Yesterday I motored up to Salem for an afternoon of movies and great food with my pal Joe. He made this aMAZing shrimp scampi and I brought the chocolate. We watched Revenge of the Sith which Jen assured me we’d seen already—I just didn’t remember. Loved it and now, of course, we have to watch Star Wars IV: A New Hope.

My only what’s-up-with-that moment was wondering how Obi Wan got from Ewan McGregor young and vigorous to Alec Guinness old in just 19 years (the time between action in Revenge of the Sith and New Hope). I guess life on Tatooine must be really harsh, huh?

In any case, I got horrifically lost in both getting to Joe’s AND getting home. It’s a talent of mine. My super power actually. If I drove more I’d def invest in a GPS. For now I rely on my iPad and Google maps. Oh wait, it just occurred to me that there’s probably an iPad GPS app. Yup, before I make another road trip I'll def find and download.

Here’s the thing—going off course at 11AM was no biggie. In fact it was fun. The sun was high in the sky, the roads were clear and traffic was light. Plus, I really like Salem—it’s a place that, in warmer weather, I’d like to spend a day exploring on foot.

Misplacing myself late in the afternoon is a whole different, extra rat-fuckery special kettle of sando aqua monsters. The sun was low in sky and, with my not so keen night vision, I felt pressed to quickly find my way back out to the big, main highways. Unsurprisingly, I missed just about every possible turn and exit. Hey, you try driving on such a beautiful day in such an interesting place! See how you fare.

I finally found my way to 128 South and needed to catch Route 1 from there. Didn’t happen. Nope. Warum? The sun was amazingly bright and right at eye level. Lowering the visors, donning my sunglasses and holding one palm in front of that glowing, killer orb made the road, but not the signs, visible.

Figuring that I was, at the very least, headed south—the right direction, I didn’t worry. And then I hit heavy traffic. Not only that, visibility had turned to utter shit. The setting sun was so brilliantly incandescent, it was like staring into an inferno. Yup, for me and everybody else. We crawled along at a safe 5MPH. I was desperate to find an exit, any exit, HAD to get off that road before disaster struck (or I struck it). Honestly, I could barely see the car directly in front of me.

The worst of the phosphorescence passed and I was finally able to make out a sign or two. Yea me. The next road, 93 South, was blessedly NOT running straight into the sun. The rest of the trip was uneventful—practically tranquil even!

My nerves were ragged and horrifically fried. Of course. I believe extra dry Sapphire martinis and Black Forest cakes are made for hard commutes like this.

Don't you?