The Long Haul

My handsome man at his birthday party in January.

Looks like we're in for a long, winding road but "long" is relative and who knows?

The awesome docs who're watching over my sweet, Amazing Bob have stressed that anything can happen at any time. We've been advised to refrain from giving any single moment, any short string of minutes/hours, too much weight. We need to look at the whole, the big pic.

Still, yesterday afternoon was better. TAB was mostly coherent, he wasn't constantly trying to rip off his breathing mask or the leads that're all over his chest and arms (as he'd been doing on Tuesday and Wednesday) and he actually showed an interest in watching the television. All very good.

We'll see what today brings.

The family meeting – with Drachman, the lead resident, the ICU managing doc and the Palliative care doc, plus a couple nurses – went well. Jen, Oni, Celeste and Miles were there with me. There wasn't much new news BUT everything was spelled out. We all got to ask a bazillion questions and, unsurprisingly, we are all in complete agreement on how to proceed.

The plan is to keep going as we've been. He's getting meds for the pneumonia which is the most immediate issue. His lungs are soupy and not allowing enough oxygen into his system. If his breathing levels improve, the docs can start treating that rat-bastard, scum sucking, evil-headed, fucker cancer. If his lungs don't cooperate. we all meet again and start discussing the next scary step – keeping him comfortable while he winds down and out of this life. GodDAMN this is hard!

Morphine – Cure for Pain

*** Just a blognote – blogging may become erratic. If you don't see me, don't worry. I'll be back (be sure to say that like Ahnold!) On the other hand, I may start posting nothing but doodles of camels, turtles, parrots and cakes. I might put up all cat pics for days on end. There could be navel gazing and stress-fuled, stone silliness. Who the fuck knows.