Search This Blog

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Useful Words and Phrases

These are for when you’re home alone, reading the paper or listening to the news and feel a great need to scream loud, long strings of foul, scorching invective. Ya know, well out of children and heart patient's hearing.

OR you can use these tomorrow when you’re having the big family Thanksgiving meal. Fer instance, they might come in real handy when Uncle Floyd and Aunt Sally have fried your very last, precious bit of stomped on patience with phrases like:

We won – deal with it. Give Trump your support.
I’m NOT a racist, woman abusing homophobe just because I voted for one!

OK, OK, before unleashing the verbal decimation, you may want to hogtie 'em and read Post-Truth Nation by Samuel C. Spitale for enlightenment's sake. Possibly employing fuzzy animal hand puppets and acting out all the parts could increase understanding.

Also try reading John Scalzi’s post The Cinemax Theory of Racism to your much-loved-but-dim relations before you snatch them baldheaded. Who knows, MAYBE they’ll understand.

*ahem* on to the useful words and phrases:
Bloodless pile of ass dandruff
Zombified minge collector wannabe
Fuckfaced spack slave
Gonorrhea riddled, midget dicked cockwomble
Douchewaffle syrup puddle
Rectal flypaper twunt
Flea jizz embossed weaselhead
Whiny, flat-assed, Jar Jar Binks impersonator
Moldy, syphilitic brained zombie bang
Meth addled Teletubby
Gnat dicked, greedheaded prannock
Smegma breathed, permanent virgin
Snake eyed, oleaginous, frat boy wannabe
Callous avaricious goat fucker
and my recent fave:
Dead toad brained, fecal faced, used vomit bag
You may find these especially useful when you're down the pub and some meadow muffin tries to Trump you (AKA Grab you by the pussy). It may, however, be much more satisfying, safe and effective to just kick the dunce to the floor and then stomp on his ‘nads HARD.

Don't forget, these can be used as is OR you can go all a la carte. Tell Uncle Floyd that, for voting against your right to exist equally and safely on this planet, he’s a piece of zombified, smegma breathed, rectal flypaper brained, ferret face. See! You can mix and match!

So, there ya go. Good luck and safe travels!

No comments:

Post a Comment