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Monday, November 14, 2016

Where the Hell did Weird and Gilly and The Spiders from Mars* go?

Honest to Bast – it seems they've abandoned me!

According to a Globe article from June, alien abductions are down and have been since the ‘90s.

By the end of the 1990s, the alien abduction bubble had burst. Ratings fell for the “The X-Files.” In April 2001, reports (later denied) circulated that the British Flying Saucer Bureau, 1,500 members strong at its peak, was shutting down after a long dry spell of no sightings. Five months later, two planes crashed into the Twin Towers and no one cared about little green men anymore. “X-Files” director Chris Carter, at the 2008 San Diego Comic Con, declared that after 9/11, the mood just wasn’t right anymore. In 2006, Ben Macintyre, columnist for The Times, declared that the Internet had undermined belief in UFOs and alien visitation: “The unidentified flying object has been identified, and cannot fly any more. ET has gone home.” Skepticism, it seemed, had killed the UFO.
Well then! It seems they’re saying that the whole UFO/Alien Abduction thing was just fantasy (!!!) and, with world events since 9/11, no one has time for these fripperies anymore. I must, naturally and wholeheartedly, disagree with that.

My theory on the downtick in alien abduction? The Martians (or Bajorans or Klingons or what-have-you) are really squicked out by the extreme violence, obscene selfishness and stone stupidity of humanity. YES, even the Klingons are put off by us. Can you blame them?

I mean, fer fuck’s sake, look at us! America, supposedly the land of freedom, honor, justice, and opportunity, has elected (through the electoral college NOT the popular vote) a vile, hate spewing, woman abusing, homophobic, racist narcissist with zero impulse control.

Yup, we’ve become so goddamned heinous that even the Borg don’t want anything to do with us. OK, that’s bad news/good news I suppose.

On the other hand…being a Borg isn’t looking so bad right now. After all, they:
  1. have access to any part of the entire collective memory of their own race as well as thousands of other who make up their collective, their hive. Everyone writes history NOT the victors alone!
  2. never, ever need to guess at what another person’s thinking/feeling – everyone in the collective’s mentally linked!
  3. Knees crap out? Need a new hip or heart? No worries, you’ll be kitted out with new in no time!
Also, and this is no small beer, have you ever seen a fat or even slightly overweight Borg? No, you have not. Either they’ve got a killer cafeterias and gyms on board those damn cubes OR their metabolisms are infinitely more efficient than ours. This is seeming, to me anyway, like a hat full of win.

Wonder if there’s a way to get word out to the strangers from strange lands that some of us would like to hitch a ride.

*Ziggy Stardust – David Bowie

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