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Sunday, April 16, 2017

Chocolate Pasqua

The Amazing Bob and I didn’t celebrate Easter at least not in a religious sense. We took the day to jubilate the healing, happy brilliance of dark chocolate eggs and bunnies. Add in a few truffles, the odd maple cream and a hazlenut “carrot” and we were golden.

TAB and I were solid agnostics with, on our more hopeful and imaginative days, pantheistic leanings. Pagans – we were proud, happy Pagans.

I still am.

I’ve written about the ASL fluent Jehovah’s Witnesses who come by here periodically. Nice, nice folk though determined to seduce me to their side of the Force. That is, anything beyond a terse NOT interested accompanied by slammed (or never opened) door seems to be taken as an invitation. No chitchat unless it's GOD's chitchat. I know, DUH.

I enjoyed the ASL practice with the two women who stopped by once every couple of months BUT, of course, the convo always came around to JESUS. Of course it did. I always told them thanks but no. I’m real happy with my religion (telling them I was Jewish was easier and drew fewer questions than saying Agnostic/Pantheist/Pagan/what-have-you) but thanks for stopping by. The polite way of saying GET OFF MY PORCH!

Sometimes, I’d ask TAB to get rid of them – tell them I’m in bed sick or something. While they were pleasant and I enjoyed the ASL workout, having to fend of the inevitable Jesus push was tedious and annoying. After all, I’d already made clear (I thought) that I was NOT interested.

Gotta give the J.W.s credit – the church always sent two women (I'd never open the door for two strangers of the penis persuasion) AND they were both fluent in my language. Calculated marketing.

This same couple made the mistake of coming by shortly after TAB died. I told them wut up and said I wasn’t up for company but thanks for stopping by. They went full metal he's in a better place, HEAVEN/way/truth/light/JESUS on me. I lost my cool (I think) and told them I was def NOT interested, that I thought it was horribly crass and unfeeling of them to try to push their religious brand on me when I was clearly in deep mourning and, for the last damn time, I HAVE MY OWN DAMN SPIRITUAL BELIEFS AND I’M NOT INTERESTED IN YOURS! Also too, leave NOW.
A decisively slammed door was the coda to my prestissimo agitato performance.   

They did apologize – I caught that as they backed away. They also sent a Jayzuz riddled sympathy card with another apology. I felt kinda bad for unleashing a dose of my fluorescent impatience and rage on them. After all, the pushy god-talk is just their nature.

In any case, Jehovah’s little pests returned last week. Interestingly but unsurprisingly, it was a different couple – a very upbeat, young woman and man. I guess the other two figured they'd burned a bridge though I don't get why their parent company still think I'm conversion fodder.

Chica took the lead. I cut straight to the chase when I saw the badly designed brochure in her hand. I did rock a little civility when I said NO thank you and walked back inside.

What does it to take to get me off their Easy Mark list? I think I need to be more like Michal and just say I don't have time for all that made up voodoo

In any case, Buona Pagan Chocolate Pasqua. Here's the Simon's Cat Easter edition. Love these.


  1. The aggressive rudeness of proselytizers is astounding. Under the same circumstances I'd have been a lot rougher with them than you were. And they're not scorpions (even if equally unpleasant) -- they're humans with free will and they know, on some level, what behavior is inappropriate. They simply choose to bully and harass people while their religion allows them to feel self-righteous about it.

  2. You're right though I tend to view the nicer (not elected official or otherwise pro grifter league) proselytizers as sad folk with personality disorders. I think next time, when they show up, I'll not answer the door even if they see me inside.

    I get the preaching from the very far left too though they tend, in my experience, to get REAL condescendingly nasty REAL quick. At least they don't show up on my doorstep with "have you accepted Bernie/Jill/Ralph into your heart yet?"