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Sunday, April 30, 2017

Emancipating the Ashes

The wee one in the back is from the first, broken shipment.
The cherry trees got here yesterday and in one piece this time. They arrived in the late afternoon as Jen, Oni and I were relaxing on the porch, reading and enjoying the sun.

Turns out, the company gave me an upgrade on both the Tartarin and the Bing. Both saplings are taller than me. The Amazing Bob would love them.

This afternoon we’ll plant them. TAB’s ashes will be at the base, mixed into the roots of the Black Tartarian and Rocco’s in the Bing.

My beautiful man’s been gone for nearly ten months now. Today feels huge. I’m letting go of his last tangible bits. He won’t be sitting atop my dresser anymore. I’m setting his final elements free to join with the earth, the air and his birdy friends.

Rocco shuffled off this mortal coil one month ago – March 24th. He’ll be, once more, resting in the grass, watching the passing wildlife, snoozing in the sun.

Letting go – this is BIG.

Daddy reminded me that cherry trees bloom in the spring. I’d completely forgotten. Every April, TAB and Rocco will announce their presence with authority. Yeah, I rilly needed another reason to be impatient for the end of winter. //snort//
We are but dust and shadow.
~ Horace
Dust, shadow and beautiful blossoms.
Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.
~ Stephen King, Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption: A Story from Different Seasons 


  1. That seems too big and impossible to get through. I realize it's because I am reading about it and not going through a personal 10-month-and-counting process.

    I wish you all the best with this significant day!

  2. It seemed too big and impossible to me too. Hard, hard, motherfucking difficult day but Jen, Oni, Hillel and Helen were all here to support me.

    Thank you.