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Tuesday, May 2, 2017


The Amazing Bob's new entity
Rocco's new home
The trees, with The Amazing Bob and Rocco, were successfully planted on Sunday. Gotta say, this was astoundingly painful. Lucky me though, in addition to Jen and Oni (who did all the digging), Hillel, Helen and the girls were here helping to support me. Literally.

Oni placed each tree in its hole, Jen poured the special fertilized dirt around the root ball and then I poured in the ashes. Hillel held the trees steady.

I found myself speaking to Roco and then TAB as I released their last bits into their new homes. I told Rocco he’d be very happy in this new home – lots of birdies to watch AND he’d be safe from dogs and assholes. I promised to feed him a lot just like before.

I told TAB how desperately I miss him and that I’m so happy he’ll be close by. I allowed that, as part of this tree, his back won’t hurt anymore. He’ll get to feed his cardinals, blue jays and finches and sparrows. I promised I’d plant pretty flowers at his feet and bring him his beloved cookies too.

And then I lost it. While TAB’s clay flowed around the Black Tartarian’s roots, tears streamed down my face and I could feel that I was sobbing. Loudly. Hillel held me up, Helen stroked my side and then, after the roots were covered and the earth was tamped down, they helped me walk back into the house.

Prosecco toasts were raised to my beautiful, creative, kind, wise, talented and totally cool man. My handsome former feral got a few cheers as well.

Today I feel more calm – less ripped apart by loss.

In the dream I had just before Coco woke me, I was a crime fighting sleuth along with my departed dear chum Sean. While this little sleep bubble wasn’t all giggles and snorts, it seemed positive – not dark.

Once again, I have Tubthumping playing in my head. Happily.
I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never gonna keep me down
We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.
~ Walt Disney
All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
~ Havelock Ellis
No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories.
~ Haruki Murakami

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