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Wednesday, May 24, 2017


At the gym I frequent religiously, the local Y, there’s – get this – a Honey Dew Donut franchise just steps inside the front door. Except they don’t sell donuts and it’s called Honey Dew Café. (accent aigu used and not. I guess the sign makers don’t like to be tied down to by those pesky hobgoblins of consistency)

No surprise, they don’t sell donuts here – it’s a gym fer fuck’s sake! Most of us adult-type workout rats are health/weight conscious or attempting to be so. There's a sugary scent in the air though. Maybe the sign itself emits a sweet bouquet – it's a clever, effective, marketing siren song?

I finished up my ellipticalling one day and thought I’d stop by – get a cuppa and a snack, do some people watching in one of the comfy lounge areas before heading home. I went in close to check out the selection, fully, honestly expecting fruit, crudités and yogurt cups, hard boiled eggs, apples, bananas, small packets of pistachios, almonds and shelled edamame.

They’ve got bananas. Ayup. That's it.

From there we head straight into You’ve GOT To Be Kidding Me Land with 725 calorie cinnamon topped Butter Rum Muffins, Lemon Poppy Muffins (670), Apple and Spice Muffins clock in at 620.

They also offer those awesome looking, candied coffee and smoothie drinks.
Frozen Caramel Latte – 562
Oreo Cookie Blast – 560
Cookie Dough Blast – 570
And then there are the big-ass bagels.
Cinnamon Raisin Bagel withOUT cream cheese – 370 calories.
Plain Bagel sans cheese –  360 calories
My favorite, a Jalapeño Cheddar Bagel, is a surprising 330 (I figured it’d be much higher).

Honey Dew's lowest cal offering, coming in at 220, is a plain croissant.

In comparison – those iced fried cakes of the gods which they don’t carry?
Did you know:
A Vanilla Frosted has a surprisingly paltry 270 calories.
A Jelly gives you 340 to burn off.
The Blueberry Cake (fave from my donut days) has 390.
An Apple Cider Donut has 460 calories.
 Obvs I can't go near this Kiosk of Diet Doom. Having such a horrible, good-health-torpedoing food stand in the Y is jarringly counterintuitive. Granted, for fit folks who aren't in Draconian Diet Land, having the occasional Cookie Dough Blast and Butter Rum Muffin binge (1295 cal!) is probably a welcome, relatively harmless treat.

I think I hate those people.

How’m I doing on my hardcore weight loss scheme? Dunno. That is, the scale I have is conveniently busted (no, I didn't kill it. REALLY!). It belonged to The Amazing Bob and I’ve actually never used it. Chicken shit that I am, (getting weighed always fills me with Godzilla sized trepidation), I've only measured my heft while at one of my doc visits. I know, I know…bad Donna. I’ll hit the scale in the Y locker room later this week.

I HAVE been radically consistent in my reduced daily intake though. I just checked the site – they’ve a thingy which, after you plug in gender, age, height, weight and loss-per-week goal, spits out your max daily calorie amount. Mine is 1200 and I'm generally well under that magic number. Yea me.

Just to be abundantly astro-brite clear, weight loss is about being healthy. Sure, I also, of course want to fit into my clothes better and look good. This is for me though. I’ve seen too many friends and family units submarine their good health through crap eating habits and nasty-ass weight gain. I’ve enough health challenges, I can’t have self inflicted ones.

To all my friends who say Sure, you’re a little chubby but you look finethank you. In a few months, I’ll feel fine too.


  1. It's symbiosis. The Y thrives from people trying to lose weight. The Hónéy Déw Cáfé sells people things to give them more weight to lose. Everybody wins!

    1. Hah! Yes, big wins all around. Also, I like your promiscuous accent use – makes up for all the missed Honey Dew ones :-)

    2. Also why they always load up the displays with diet drinks and potato chips together.

    3. The appearance, the nod to healthfullness followed by the one two punch of fried indulgence. Oh, baby, YES!