Playing It Safe

I think of myself as risk avoidant. It feels as though I’ve always been like this — timid in all I’ve done/chosen. I’ve thought so much less of myself for it. Yup, I've been a real shrew to myself.

But have I really been such a Cautious Carey? Last night over pizza at Louis’ Hillel said no. OK, he hooted and then said no. How much of a take-no-chancer could you be – you spent a few years with a traveling carnival?!

Oh sure but I only joined because my older sister had and told me there was a job waiting for me if I wanted it. (employment wasn't exactly easy to come by in those years) I was in San Francisco at the time, visiting a friend, when she called. I’d taken a Trailways there from Pittsburgh – 68 hours on a bus  – oof. Actually it ended up being a fun journey. I met some pretty interesting folk.

I had this idea that I’d quit college, stay in California, get a job, officially become a Californian and then apply to one of their fine state colleges – continue my formal education. Tuition for in-state residents was way low back then – affordable even for me.

Why didn’t I do it? My friend advised “how often do you get a chance to join a traveling carnival? San Francisco will still be here later. You can always come back.”  Made sense to me. But, by the time I came off the road each season, I’d head back to Western Pennsylvania and the college where I was enrolled. Why? I just wanted to get the damn degree over with and then be free of school and that little town. So I did.

And then Boston/not San Francisco beckoned.

What have I not done that I wish I had? I haven’t lived in a loft squat with a bunch of other artists musicians (here or in Berlin – my usual daydream destination).

I had a friend who lived in a way cool space in the old Leather District of Boston. While at one of his parties, I thought, now this is IT! This is where I want to live!

Whyn’t I make it so?

The space wasn’t a legal live-in studio – they were there on the down-low. I didn’t want to live in a place that I could be tossed from without notice. Yes, risk avoidancy reared it’s very safe head. There was another bit though – as this wasn’t live-in space there was no bath or shower. Dan bathed in the big industrial sink. After years of carnival hose baths, I just couldn’t feature this.

Also, Nf2 came on the scene which def threw me for a loop. I now wanted a crib of my own, not a squat with five other people. I wanted peace and calm – a retreat from the world. AND I knew that I needed to stay close-by my neurologist and surgeons. Jumping to Berlin was ixnayed.

Still, I've done a lot of solo travel. Though I’ve mostly (but not always) gone to safe-ish destinations, this has just got to count as a being at least a little tiny bit adventure-y. After all, I’m a babe type human – we’re not exactly a home-free, protected species anywhere on this planet (except on Paradise Island…of course).

Conclusion? Playing it safe is relative. Having fun, new experiences – this is my idea of adventure and there are more to come.