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| There's a resemblance, no? |
WHY do I wanna be one? WHY am I, in fact, feeling all this dragon affinity? Let's review the facts.
KidsConnect tells me that, during Medieval times, dragons were said to be real, but wicked.
HEY! I’m real and I’m wicked (in the Bostonian sense of the word OF COURSE). Therefore, I’m wicked real. I MUST be a dragon already, eh?
Tolkein said they’ve got malicious wisdom and shrewdness. I'm wise (or, possibly, just a wise-ass) and I've been described as shrewish – that's almost the same as shrewd. RIGHT!?
Wut?!
What about dragon super powers?They breathe fire and, HEY, so do I! Anyone who’s been with me in the AM, before I’ve had my way with a toothbrush and bottle of Listerine, can vouch for this.
Asian dragons are said to have control over water. I LIVE on the water! Now then, being a rock solid live-and-let-live type, I don’t and won't control it. Nope, we all gotta be who we iz, go our own way and shit.
Dragons are able to change size. ME TOO! I’ve lost weight over this past year AND I’m shorter now (by a whopping inch and 3/4!) than I was in my bristling 20s.
Dragons can fly amongst the clouds. SAME here!
Things I'm, as yet, unable to do:
- form clouds (a new way to paint – I want this skill!)
- turn into water (fluidity of spirit – oh yeah, that's so Zen. NEED!)
- change color (if I could, you just KNOW I’d rock some awesome shade of lavender)
- glow in the dark (way cool!)
Ancient Celts believed that dragons had prophetic gifts. I SO want this! I would just kill to know how the mid-terms will come out. Will we overcome the perniciously vile, bigoted, power-mad, humanity hating Republicans? Will we be able to boot enough of them to the curb, replacing them with sane public servants. Ya know, I RILLY wanna know that NOW.
Dragon stuff I’m not so keen on – scaly bods and leathery wings. I’m more of a huge angelic feathered wing type. Also, I coat this skin suit with obscene amounts of Booda Butter already. With scales I’ll be investing in monster truckloads of moisturizer every damn month. That’d get expensive. What’s the starting pay for dragoning?
In Vietnamese mythology, people are the result of a dragon and fairy’s sexy time. Yeah, BAY-BEE!
Bhutan has the Druk – the Thunder Dragon. I think this'd make a great handle. Maybe I should change my name – Ruby Thunder Dragon. YES, LOVE this!
The main drawback of being a dragon is that knights try to slay you to impress their damsels, but there aren't many knights around these days.
ReplyDeleteWhat’s the starting pay for dragoning?
They all seem to have hoards of treasure, so it must be reasonably good.
glow in the dark (way cool!)
It's not actually possible for humans to do that, but Trump and Kim are working on it.
They breathe fire
Not as impressive as it sounds. Frat boys who have mastered the art of lighting farts do basically the same thing, albeit from the wrong end.
change color
Most of us accomplished this when we heard the 2016 election results.
Dragons can fly amongst the clouds
.....without having to let the TSA mess with their luggage. This would be a plus.
If dragons can control water, and can also turn into water, does that mean they have good self-control?
Well, I don't want to let this comment drag on.....
HAH! Thank you and love you!
DeleteThe knights that'd try to slay me are all manqué-y wankers who, if there's ANY justice in this world, will be out of their jobs in November. So, I think I'm safe. Mebbe.
Only wicked to our point of view. To them, who's to say?
ReplyDeleteDamn fool thing to do, this old vizaard, wild man of the woods, thinks, to go out and get your ass fried trying to impress some bottle-blonde bimbo who's probably back at the barn bonkin' the stable boy.
Far better to be the one that got away.
Dragons, from what I hear, describe themselves as downright villainous BUT that might just be what their PR firm's pushing to counteract all the cute Disney shit.
DeleteYa know, it just now occurred to me that YOU'RE a dragon too. It's not Thomas Ten Bears, it's Thomas Ten Dragons! Clever disguise, changing your name and all.
That's what the grandkids think 😎
DeleteGrandkids—astute little things 😏
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ReplyDeleteI am a Dragon.
ReplyDeleteEurope entirely misunderstood their Dragons.
Asia, however, is far better with their Dragons.
Dragons have only one flaw... their vanity.
Their vanity is well earned.
As for knights and Dragons, well... they were never good enough.
When it comes down to fair maidens and Dragons?
The Dragons were rescuing them from the communities that were so willing to sacrifice them.
They lived out their days in great joy, comfort and of course safety with the Dragons that loved them.
May you enjoy your newly found identity!
Mazel Tov!
Thank you Dragoness and it’s lovely to meet a comrade in...ummm...scales 😁
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