Search This Blog

Friday, July 20, 2018

Quieting the Anxiety Monster

I’ve decided that I’m not gonna freak out OR have a big, fat sad about this next, upcoming eye surgery.

What? I can do that? Just NOT be 99 kinds of upset and stressed?

Yeah, seems so.

I met with ace cutter Doc Yoon on Wednesday. I was a nervous, mega melancholic mess so I asked Oni to go with me. (I asked for help! Yea me!) I just wanted him to hold my hand while I signed up for more peeper slice and dice. He did and, boyhowdy, that made a BIG difference.

WHY am I having more surgery?! Eh, it’s an effort to stem the tide of left eye cornea damage (a result of unavoidable nerve damage experienced during my hearing ending cutterage, 14 years ago). This next one, which won’t go down until late October (I can wait. I can take a couple months off from the OR! YEA!!!) and will be a pretty simple deal (unlike the last time with the good sawbones).

I’ll once again, for an as yet unspecified amount of post surgery time, be rockin' the  One Eyed Jack look. THIS time though, I’m gonna be prepared, ready for my single lamp days.

First off, I NEED a new pirate patch – wore my last one out, don’cha know. Can’t be a proper pirate without one. OK, maybe I can. I believe N.C. Wyeth proved this. I’m unclear though, If I have two eyes do I then lose a leg? Not cool...nay cool AT ALL.

So’s I don’t take a big-ass splat like I did last week:
  • I’ve asked Hillel to babysit me during the first 24 hours post-surgery. This is good on at least two levels.
  1. Hillel’s very patient and good company.
  2. He’s one hell of a cook!
  • I dug my (Imperial) walker our of the depths of my closet. Haven’t used it since right after THE BIG ONE ‘cept as a clothes rack. I won’t generally need it BUT it’ll come in handy for those zero dark thirty trips to the loo. Better safe than in the ER, eh?
  • I've begun picking up, putting away and/or tossing all the piles of papers and books which litter the floor of Casa Donna. HEY, they're all tidy and shit and, having a home obstacle course is good exercise. WHAT?! That last part was kind of a stretch?
  • I'll stow my gorgeous ottoman in a corner because, rilly now, only Dick Van Dyke could pull off that pratfall with style and grace.
AND, of course, I’m gonna stock up on Saint Fratelli’s cookies because nothing says recovery like cappuccino biscotti and shortbread. Amirite or amirite? You know I am!

See, I think the key to quelling the giant fear and anxiety beast is prep, having shit to look forward to and, of course, PASTRY!
I wondered what you'd have on the side with a plate of Deep Fried Anxiety. Pickles? Coleslaw? Potato-strychnine mash?
~ Robin McKinley, Sunshine


  1. I heartily approve of a pirate patch, though it is important to remember the Skull and Crossed Bones were originally the Knights Templar battle flag, and now when people look askance you'll be left wondering "hmmm, do they know that!?"

  2. Do I have to be Catholic again if I fly/wear the pirate flag? No can do!

    I wanna be all “Arrrrrgh Matey!” Coco could pretend to be a parrot too—she’d be good at that.

    1. The Catholics killed off the Templars*, so no, please, it's not necessary to be Catholic again!

      *those that didn't escape into the wild; on Friday the Thirteenth;)