Disgusted in Space

Military Sci-Fi is not my thing. Having said that, if you’ve read this blog before, you know Scalzi’s Old Man’s War series is one of my faves. This very serious book crush of mine is about the character development and interactions, the wildly creative tech – transferring consciousness into new, young, beautifully fit bods (and more). Yes, thank you – now please. Most especially, Scalzi’s wit, heart and significant writing chops just grab me solid. This deep lurv ain’t about the guns, battles or the death count. Nope.

I don’t necessarily want to read about the bloody, gritty horror of war. In my younger days I read a shit-ton of poetry, fiction and historical accounts of mankind’s rabid inhumanity. At this point, reading the news is about as close to violence and carnage as I wanna get and, all too often THAT's too much.

Still, a rousing, well written space opera (see Scalzi, John) is some seriously great, intelligent escapism. I want to read more tales like this that are written by women and showcase strong female protagonists. I thought I’d hit it big when I found Fortune’s Pawn by Rachel Bach.

Devi Morris isn't your average mercenary. She has plans. Big ones. And a ton of ambition. It's a combination that's going to get her killed one day - but not just yet.

That is, until she just gets a job on a tiny trade ship with a nasty reputation for surprises. The Glorious Fool isn't misnamed: it likes to get into trouble…

Sounds brill, yeah?
Even if I’d read the first chapter before buying (purchased used and on line so unpossible) I wouldn’t have expected what I found in chapter two. Devi’s getting settled into her room on the new ship, unpacking her armor and guns. She goes into a long, swooning description of her custom suit’s big price tag and beauty

it was the color of the morning mist, a light, silvery gray chased through with a spiraling pattern that was only visible in direct light.

Fine, fine – I get it. I’m sure I’d geek girl out over new, special, stunning and essential tool stuff too. The manufacturers name for the  armor is The Lady Gray. Rilly? This seems like a radically foofy name for a lethal mercenary’s work attire. Sounds much more like an extra special lux lingerie line from Victoria’s Secret.

Devi refers to her armor as Lady or the Lady and does so four times within the space of six slim sentences. Sometimes excessive word/name usage in such a small space has a purpose. Perhaps to express the importance of an object, emotion or experience. At this point, all I know about The Lady Gray is that it was obscenely expensive and stone lovely. The name repetition tells me that either the merc has an adolescent crush on her armor OR the author couldn’t be bothered to get a little creative. Was she unable or unwilling to craft more interesting, less insultingly clunky copy?

With all the talk of beauty and price, I would’ve thought I’d at least get a hint, a teaser, about some great utilitarian aspect of this expensive head turner. Nope.

From there, the author was set to launch into descriptions of her character’s guns but, in the space of three pages, just the second chapter in, she’d already lost me. Bach was writing bodice ripping ammo porn. I totes did not expect that – is this a new sci-fi sub-genre?

I tossed the book aside and picked up David Wong’s What the Hell Did I Just Read. Sadly, at that very moment our power went out (BIG winter storm here. No, not really. Mostly rain and wind) so Coco and I shut the lights and went to ZZZ Land.

I’ll give Fortune’s Pawn another shot but I’m just NOT into gun porn, not even if it’s the color of the morning mist and chased through with a spiraling pattern only visible in direct light.