First – was it wrong for me to send Jen a YouTube clip of the Mary Tyler Moore episode Chuckles Bites the Dust while she was at her father's funeral? This was the ep where the WJM-TV News staff were attending Chuckles the Clown's funeral. He had died at a parade while dressed as the character Peter Peanut – a rogue elephant tried to "shell" him. Fatal injuries ensued. Mary scolded her coworkers for engaging in dark humor only to find herself, later, during the eulogy, unable to contain her laughter. PRICELESS episode!
Luckily Jen's phone was off during Pop's service. Why? She said she probably would have interrupted to play it for everyone. Yup, she and I are besties for a solid reason. Our particular senses of humor can usually be counted on to be inappropriate to any given situation.
 |
| Franz Marc |
What am I doing instead of diligently hunting up new engaging, inspiring reading matter?
Why, I’m surfing Threads, of course. Don’cha know there are just shitloads of cat pics and pro photographer's offerings to view. There are hilarious and troubling reports from the far distant (thank Bast!) dating fields. There are AITA (Am I The Asshole) posts that I totally MUST read, if not weigh in on. I follow a bunch of individuals in Ukraine – I want to keep abreast of what life is like for real people who are living through this invasion of and fight for their country.
I’m NOT just doomscrolling the ICEhole reports and reading of the latest idiocies and atrocities from the Pedo Administration.
I DID find a helpful post where someone asked readers to name somebody/something we trust more than Donald Trump.
My response was, naturally, fishnet condoms.
Others noted:
- The Nigerian prince who just emailed. He would like me to help him get his inheritance. I only need to send him £5k now. After he receives his birthright, I’ll get a sizable share of his fortune.
- A fart after a night of Taco Bell and prune juice smoothies.
- Arkansas gas station sushi.
- KeanuReeves254695 who texted wanting to know how my day was and, goodness, he thinks my profile picture is stunning. He very much hopes that we’ll become close. He then told me his assets have been frozen by the FBI due to some ridiculous lawsuit. Keanu totally wants to fly to Ukraine to save all the poor kittens and puppies being bombed by Russia but he can’t access his funds. Could I cashapp him a few grand – he’ll totally pay me back.
- The guy on the dating site telling me he’s 6’4” 200 lbs and 38 years old who’s ONLY looking to date women 25 and younger. (Yeah, dude is totally 5’8” at most but the weight’s probably accurate. Also, he’s 45-50 years old, minimum)
I’ve also discovered a helpful post regarding womb uses. Did you know, they’re useful for a lot more than just birthing babies!
- It's where we keep our butterscotch candies. When we go through menopause, we have to move them somewhere else. That's why little old ladies have butterscotch candies in their purse.
- I have the kids Christmas presents hidden in mine so they don't find them.
- Mine’s been stretched nicely by two babies, I’m looking to rent it out as accommodation in London. About £1500 a month should do it?
- It’s clearly a portal to the underworld.
- I keep my spare house key there.
- Most women don’t know that their womb can also be used for hosting ballroom dances.
- I got mine refurbished into a hello kitty gumball machine
- I keep yarn in mine. I reel it out through my vagina. Really helps with my tensioning when I crochet.
- Mine's a She Shed.
- I keep asking mine what else she can be used for and it keeps magic eight balling me “try again later”
For more useful tips on what to do with your womb, do check out Deserye Lewis’s (@blissful_ness923) page on Threads.
No comments:
Post a Comment