Here Comes the Sun

Big Foot

Spring is coming. There's more hours of daylight. I'm feeling less battered by the cold and shitty weather. Hopefully my energy will increase and I'll be able to walk farther. Maybe I can finally make the switch from walker to cane. 

In these dark, dismal winter months, I've been experiencing moments, when I get up from my reading chair or out of my cozy bed, where I'm walloped by a wave of melancholy. Simply everything feels like a sisyphean challenge. 'the fuck's up with that shit? 

I believe, now that the season of gloom is nearly over, I've figured it out. I'm tired. I'm worn straight fucking out from the struggle to maintain mobility and endurance. The mountain of shit that I want/need to do has felt impossible. My baby steps of improvement have felt illusory. I really HAVE gained ground but, over this winter, the pace slowed to nearly a full stop. I've been working my ass off just so I won't lose what I've achieved.

This shit's exhausting. So is my ever present guilt about not doing enough. I should've done more core building rehab exercises over the winter. I should've done more balance work. I should've....eh, the list is endless. Warmer weather is coming. Crocus and daffodils will show up soon.

The fight will be less daunting soon.