I want cake for breakfast

That’s not too much to ask, is it?

Why do I want—NO…NEED—cake for breakfast? //waves arm all around me// Ya know...life. Fer instance:

Ted Cruz (AKA Cheeto’s butt plug) has emphatic thoughts about liberal women’s sexual satisfaction levels with liberal male partners. Somehow, this angry stack of puked on used Depends has it in his head that ALL liberal men are crap in the sack. This is, I guess, what passes for wit and savvy politics in his socially banjaxed bean.

Not to go all TMI on you but I’ve done some research during my six+ decades on this planet. While not all left wing dudes (from my sample set) can rival Asmodeus, Freyr or Eros, they sure as fuck have more going on in the sack than pushy rightwing penis bearers.

Maybe old bloated Teddy Boy’s experience has been different?

I only mention it but Cruz’s wife—you know, the one who 45 very publicly and repeatedly insulted before Teddy turned sycophant—doesn’t seem happy. To be fair, would you if you were married to America’s most despised senator?

Speaking of the man who will never be king, this election denying, insurrection supporting, failed man-of-the-people cosplayer’s up for reelection. So are Madge Trailer Trash, Matt kiddie-diddler Gaetz, Idiot Andy Biggs, Louie dumbest-man-in-Congress Gohmert, Scott chaos-agent Perry. What do these people have in common besides being dumbfuckian loud and proud shills for a criminal? They all asked for pardons for their roles in January 6th.

The completely irrelevant plastic surgery addict, Kellyanne Conway, on top of trying to deny the reality of her boss’s failed insurrection attempt, has TOTALLY realistic ideas on how us lefties routinely spend our days. Me? Though I completed menopause years ago, I still like to have my daily abortion. You know, I fit it in between my morning January 6 rant (had over lattes and avocado toast of course) and Godzilla’s (my electric MINI) afternoon spa appointment. For the younger set there’s Confederate statue tear downs (2PM daily—check the website for locations in your area) followed by hot yoga and grapefruit gin fizzes. It’s a full day but SO satisfying.

Why did this woman, whose obvious greatest dream is to have every person (and their cats) fully aware of her spectacularly lunatic stupidity, make such a fatuous “bomb”throwing claim? I’m guessing it was her attempt to get the public derailed from her hero, Cheeto, being thrown off the ballot in Colorado. 

By the way, there are 147 phony-baloney lawmakers who voted to overturn the 2020 election because they’re blind power-mad ignoramuses who are more concerned with keeping the schwanz stiffening power, supposed respectability and big buckos that come with their gigs. The voters? Their constituents? Yeah, they don’t give coke addled fuck about them—they’re nothing, totally beside the point.

Did you know?
All of the plaintiffs who brought the case to disqualify the Orange Mob Boss from the Colorado ballot were Republicans. Every last one. Also, the Colorado Supreme Court justices are elected NOT appointed. 

Republicans—not so keen on democracy or liberty and justice for ALL, are they?

Okay, where's that cake?!