I Want Candy

How do I know I’m an adult? I had no more than three candy pumpkins yesterday. In fact, though I thoroughly enjoyed them, for the first time ever, they seemed a shade too sweet.

Sheesh. Next I’ll be finding pizza too heavy and struggling to finish one piece instead of three. Oops, already there.
~~~
It’s a Dylan kind of a morning. Songs in my head:
All Along the Watchtower
(Hendrix version)
Like a Rolling Stone
(Dylan version)
Knockin' on Heaven's Door
(Dylan version) 

Okay, mostly Dylan. Bow Wow Wow is in my bean this morning too.
~~~
No lie, the Trojan Clown started off his rally in Latrobe, Pennsylvania by talking about Arnold Palmer’s wang.

Politicians saluting Palmer in his hometown is nothing new. But Trump spent 12 full minutes doing so at the top of his speech and even suggested how much more fun the night would be if Palmer, who died in 2016, could join him on stage.
     ~~~
“When he took the showers with other pros, they came out of there. They said, ‘Oh my God. That’s unbelievable,’” Trump said with a laugh. “I had to say. We have women that are highly sophisticated here, but they used to look at Arnold as a man.” (source)

I have questions.

1) What the abominable snowman fuck? What does it mean that Old Mushroom Dick spent 12 FULL MINUTES talking about someone, anyone’s schwanz!? Did he bring this up in chatter with personal friends after a game? Of course not. The grifting, stinky con doesn’t have any pals—just marks, puppet masters and fellow pervs.

Now that I think on it, I get it. Thanks to Stormy Daniels’s, we know that the felonious, rapist, Republican presidential candidate is toting a gerbil peen in his ridiculously baggy suit pants.

I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart ... (source)

We can file this under Shit I Didn’t Need To Know.

The point I’m getting at here is that Doddering Don has penis envy.

2) Golfers take post-game showers like football players? They have open group showers like after gym class in high school? Or is this like the famous Roman Baths? 

I only mention it BUT it seems unlikely that deeply insecure Donny’s apocryphal story is going to resonate with the under-60 voters who, even if they follow golf, would be more familiar with Tiger Woods or Scottie Scheffler. I mean, Arnold Palmer died eight years ago at the age of 87. His peak pro years were from 1960 to 1963. Hell’s bells, that was a long-ass time ago—61 years since his best days. Was Decrepit Don’s trying to recall the greatest heroes of his youth?
~~~
Did you know? Penis envy mushrooms are a variety of mushroom containing the psychedelic compound psilocybin.

Dunno…that tidbit feels relevant somehow.

Also, in order to avoid doomscrolling and fear, I’m now reading Rock On: An Office Power Ballad by Dan Kennedy.

It’s a memoir of his time working in marketing at a big record label. Oh yeah, the book’s description tells me it’ll be funny. I need humor right now (don't we all?). How else am I gonna get through the next 16 days?