SeaLife

These absolutely gorgeous fishies are called blue tang OR blue barber, blue doctor, blue doctorfish or blue tang surgeonfish. NOT to be confused with orange Tang made popular by NASA on John Glenn's Mercury orbit around the Earth. Man 'o' man, I really pestered my mother to buy Tang!

With all those name options, how does one know what to call a blue tang? In order to avoid embarrassing faux pas, it’s best to simply ask them their preferences. For example, my usual brain cutter, Fred, most def insists on being referred to as a surgeon versus a doctor and well he merits that distinction. The neurologist who treats my essential tremors is to be referred to as Doctor Goodheart not Ms. Goodheart. Of course! Me? If I was a blue tang, I would want to be addressed respectfully as Tang, Empress of all Valhalla. Naturally.

Related, the yellow barber and yellow doctorfish. While I was hip to the fact that aquatic dwellers, like humans and other organisms, would be in need of medics from time to time (some of us *cough* me *cough* more than others), I was wholly unaware of their need for barbers. Interesting. Learning new things every day and shit!

Have you seen the Chondrocladia lyra AKA the harp sponge? Yeah, it kinda looks like a harp but it also resembles an over-designed toast rack. You know, the kind you’d find at Williams Sonoma or need to go direct to Paris to acquire.

The harp sponge is a carnivorous beauty so it probably won’t eat your toast but it might take a bite out of you. Well, only if you’re a tiny crustacean. Dunno if the prefer butter or a schmear of cream cheese – you'll have to ask.

How about the humpback anglerfish AKA Johnson’s abyssal seadevil, viperfish, and, appropriately, fangtoothfish. There’s little to no light at the depths they live so our scary buddies attract prey with a nifty bioluminescent lure between its eyes. Like miners lamps, sort of! 

Fang’s tum-tum can expand to accommodate prey much larger than itself. Can relate. I get like that sometimes too, pal. Especially around pizza. 

How about this cutest little creature? Costasiella kuroshimae, AKA leaf slugs, sea sheep, or leaf sheep. They can be found in the waters off Japan, the Philippines, and Indonesia.

Sea sheep not only feed on algae, they separate the green organelles inside a plant’s cells which convert sunlight into chemical energy into its own cells. What this means is that these leaf sheep slugs are photosynthetic animals. How astoundingly wicked cool is that? WAY!

Sea angels – don’t let the name fool you. They're predators who devour other swimming snails. You know, in the same way that Republicans eat their own as well as any other humans they deem prey. Sea angels, AKA Clionidae and Clione – the name looks suspiciouslly similar to Battlestar Galactica’s Cylons. Know what I’m saying? 

How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is clearly Ocean. 
~ Arthur C. Clarke 

If the ocean can calm itself, so can you. We are both saltwater mixed with air.
~ Chief Seattle 

A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt 

You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. 
~ Jon Kabat-Zinn