Always the Bride

Guess who's in the news again — it's Alina Habba the wholly incompetent parking garage lawyer who served as Trump's personal lawyer and ornament. Her signature move is publicly embarrassing herself — her one true talent. Just a few recent examples include:

• In an effort to diss Kamala Harris, Habba showed that she wasn't aware that civil rights icon, the Reverend Jesse Jackson and baseball player Reggie Jackson weren't/aren't the same person. 
• Alina went on some podcast and stated that she’s a "big fan" of pedophile, rapist, human trafficker Andrew Tate.
• ALL the frivolous amateur hour lawsuits!

Our girl has clocked through two marriages between 2011 and 2026 and just started her third. Turkish billionaire Turhan Mildon is her new patsy and is only 29-years-old. I hope he has a prenup. Habba, by the by, is 42. I’m certainly not one to throw stones at big age differences but this one does seem a bit whiffy.

Here’s an interesting potential reason for the smell of three day dead cod. Word is, Mildon has various political connections and only just met Alina a few months ago. Apparently he’s been love bombing her with $30G pink ostrich Hermes Birkins and 23 carat diamond rings. Why do you think that is?

Mildon comes from a prominent Turkish business family and has reportedly developed connections with political leaders in countries including the Democratic Republic of Congo and Venezuela through his business interests. His family has also been reported to have ties to Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan. (source) 

Attending the wedding were always-up-for-a-party Patel (no word on the species of his date), Todd Blanche (his Hair Trigger Temper couldn’t make it but I understand his Equivocations were there wearing some off the rack schmatta), and Margo Martin, a special assistant and communications adviser to Trump (good luck getting a job outside of Newsmax and OANN once Pedo’s gone) amongst other administration dimwits and losers.

The groom, naturally, rejected the very idea that their marriage had anything to do with politics, saying: “This marriage has no political purpose.” 

Yeah sure Babe, you sound real convincing. Habba might have bought it but then, she’s a radish brained Trump acolyte.

Back to the stink of cod left out on the counter over a hot July weekend, there’s some dispute over young Mildon’s age. He says he’s 29 but this certificate of incorporation, gives his birth month and year as December 2000 — that makes him 25. He’ll be 26 in three months. Where there’s one lie, you can damn well bet there’s a whole fucking infestation of 'em.

Alina claims to be a devout Catholic. Yup and I’m Santa Maria del Pozzo. You can meet me down the basilica any day but Thursday. I’m there around 11 for my usual caffè latte and biscotti.

The serial bride, by the by, has two kids from her first marriage. They can’t be more than 13-years-old, at most, now. I wonder if they ever see dear old mummsie. I don’t imagine she has actual custody. Seems she’s a bit busy collecting husbands, exes, plastic surgeries, and unflattering headlines to bother herself with pesky adolescents — even if she did give birth to them. Honesty, for their sake, it’s best if she just sends them a nice fruit basket — maybe one of those fancy ones with chocolates, crackers, and nuts. She should probably check with their father or nanny to see if they have any food allergies. Ah, who am I kidding — her assistant will do that.

I have questions (not that it’s any of my business):

• The Church allows divorced Catholics who have not remarried to receive Holy Communion. Habba’s divorced and remarried twice — is she receiving the sacrament?
• A valid sacramental marriage is permanent and can’t be dissolved by a civil divorce. So, were Habba’s first two marriages non-sacramental or, in the eyes of the Church, are they still in effect and she’s a three time bigamist?
• Did she get her first two marriages annulled? If so, what were the grounds? Which partner was found to have committed fraud, bigamy, or found to  be lacking sufficient brain power (okay, we know the answer to the last bit)?

Habba’s benefactor, the felon and adjudicated rapist responsible for putting her on the world stage, couldn’t be at her latest wedding because he was supposedly attending a football game in Knoxville, Tennessee. Ummmmm. Sure. Just like he couldn’t be at his own son’s second (third?) wedding because … was that a football game too? Whatever. The weddings aren’t all about him so why would he make an effort?

She sez she’s open to being Pedo’s new press secretary now that Karolyn' Leavitt’s resigned. Funny how the pants shitting orange old man hasn’t snapped Habba up on that yet. Maybe she’s not young and blonde enough? Doesn’t look enough like Ivanka? Maybe Donnie's still pissed about all the money she cost him? 

Was Turhan Mildon counting on her getting the press secretary gig, on him having a big in to the White House? Is that why he love bombed and married a woman 17 years his senior just 4-5 months after meeting her? 

Young Turhan, in his 25 short years, has a history of dating and marrying women from powerful families. He dated the daughter of Remigio Ceballos, a well-connected Venezuelan admiral who is now Venezuela’s ambassador to China. Turhan married Betul Gursoy, daughter of the late owner of Gursoy Group, which built Istanbul's Camlica Mosque. This was a BIG pet project, commissioned by Pres Erdoğan himself. Going after Habba, thinking it would give him entrée to the White House (politically or financially) seems to be pretty obviously on brand. 

Dude needs to buy himself a metric fuckton of subtlety and artfulness with healthy side of smooth. Only a moron wouldn’t see through his moves. We’re talking about Alina Habba, Trump's idiot parking garage lawyer, though. She can start shopping around for husband #4 any time now. This one’s over the second Turhan realizes Habba can’t do anything for him.