Future Perfect

There are two new books, fresh out for the newly graduated, nervous college/grad school types with too much cash and too little sense. They seem to be instructional, rather, that's apparently what they aspire to.

Mind, I should really read the books before dismissing them as the gee-duh-rilly? advice and whinging of the monied progeny/trust fund set but I think I'm on safe ground here.

Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps
and
Don’t Worry, It Gets Worse: One Twentysomething’s (Mostly Failed) Attempts at Adulthood

Is that second book for those unable to follow the 468 easy-ish steps in the first little manual?

And Adulting? No honestly -- you're going to make a verb out of that poor word? Here's a hint -- sometimes that title-suggesting marketeer or even baby's first editor, isn't the brightest, hippest, savviest hammer in your brandy new I'm-An-Adult-Now toolbox.

Think hard before you agree to have your name on something so spectacularly inane.

Alex Beam had a fine and funny, kvetchy, write up of these in yesterday’s Boston Globe where he shared the advice that he gave to his just graduated kiddles:

We pretty much ran a “Return with your shield, or on it” household. And it worked. One of our sons is now a lochagos commanding 144 hoplites in the Spartan army.

Adulting has tips on:

* What to check for when renting a new apartment-Not just the nearby bars, but the faucets and stove, among other things.
* How to tie a tie.
* How to avoid hooking up with anyone in your office -- Imagine your coworkers having plastic, featureless doll crotches. It helps.
* The secret to finding a mechanic you love-Or, more realistically, one that will not rob you blind.
From breaking up with frenemies to fixing your toilet, this way fun comprehensive handbook is the answer for aspiring grown-ups of all ages.

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You know, if your parents, guardians. trusted retainers, older siblings, lawyers or, in my case, Aunt Mary Ann aren’t giving you any of these fascinating, handy dandy tidbits AND you’re devoid of common sense, em yeah, buy the book.

Or you could save some dough and just read the blog.

from Goodreads:

In Don’t Worry, It Gets Worse, Nugent shares what it takes to make the awkward leap from undergrad to "mature and responsible adult that definitely never eats peanut butter straight from the jar and considers it a meal.” From trying to find an apartment on the black hole otherwise known as Craigslist to the creative maneuvering needed to pay off student loans and still enjoy happy hour, Nugent documents the formative moments of being a twentysomething with a little bit of snark and a lot of heart.

'A little bit of snark and a lot of heart?' OUCH! Sounds like a great read but only if your heroes all hail from the vapid halls of Sex and the City or Entourage.

What do I suggest as important books for folks entering the big fat adult world? Eh, The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore, Custer Died for Your Sins by Vine Deloria, Survival in Auschwitz by Primo Levi, everything Kurt Vonnegut ever wrote and well, the list of important books to read to help with this whole ‘adulthood’ conundrum is near endless.

Read poetry -- Bukowski, Prevert, Sherman Alexie, Charles Baudelaire and Arthur Rimbaud and the scrawls on bathroom stall doors and subway walls too.

READ, READ, READ! Ask questions, have conversations, don’t be afraid to say ‘I don’t know.’ There will always be someone who’ll fill you in, who’ll want to share their hard won wisdom or lack thereof.

Now, go have a nice glass of Malbec or an Ipswich Ale and RELAX!