Rushing the MGH Corral

Rush hour — what a woefully, deceptive  misnomer! WHEN we move, not a one of us on the road is motoring along with anything in the ballpark of speed. AND — “hour” — hells, it spans WAY more than 60 minutes. On 93 South alone, my usual route from town back to Valhalla by the Sea, it seems as though it’s always rush hour.

bitch, bitch, bitch.

Why was I in the city yesterday and not home luxuriating on the beach in the stunning 80º sunny weather?

Audiogram day at Mass Eye and Ear Infirmary. You might ask, “But Donna, aren’t you deaf? Why a hearing test?”

I still perceive a slight snippet of sound on my right side. Mind you, that’s only with the help of my industrial strength hearing aid. This doesn’t give me the full spectrum of auditory delight by any means. It provides me with an awareness of sound. I can hear big crashing booms pretty accurately. I can sense when a flock of teacups crash to the floor, the explosion of a big, big wave hitting the beach or a large angry dog barking. That’s it.

I can’t make out what The Amazing Bob says when he talks but I can tell that he’s speaking. The vague, wickedly muffled audio that I get helps me to read lips a bit more than otherwise.

It’s cool.

You might ask, “why don’t you get one of those spiffy cochlear implants? I hear tell they work a treat.” Would if I could but I’d need functioning auditory nerves for that and I’m fresh out.

Once this wee, anorexic, slip of aural joy deserts me Doc McKenna’s gonna kit me out with an ABI.

Was ist das?

From Wikipedia:

An auditory brainstem implant (ABI) is a surgically implanted electronic device that provides a sense of sound to a person who is profoundly deaf, due to sensorineural hearing impairment (due to illness or injury damaging the cochlea or auditory nerve, and so precluding the use of a cochlear implant).
The auditory brainstem implant uses technology similar to that of the cochlear implant, but instead of electrical stimulation being used to stimulate the cochlea, it is used to stimulate the brainstem of the recipient.

So, back to yesterday’s big audiogram. The funnest bit is when the audiologist pipes words into the headset I’m rockin.' I’m supposed to guess what the words are. Sheesh! Without lips to watch, I’m totes at sea. I was certain-ish that one word that kept comin’ round the on the guitar was “bitch.” Improbabile! The techs tend not to use slang and/or dicey morphemes on these wretched tests for which I can’t possibly prep.

What was that word? Which. I was close.

In general, how’d I do? Same, same.

The audiologist dude essentially said “You’ve got a crap sound system but it’s no worse this year over last.” So then, no ABI surgery for our babe in this year’s forecast.

Interestingly, Jen was also in the MEEI/Mass General Corral yesterday. She was having one of her regular checks with her oncologist. Remember now, our faithful superhero had a nasty run in with that evil, arch-villian Breast Cancer Bastard.

How’d she make out, hmmmm?
 From our post shoot out text exchange:

Jen: All is well and I don't ever, ever have to go back! 

Moi: You NEVER have to go back now? 

Jen:  Never, unless I get a suspicious bump, lump, pain, itch, rash, outbreak, cough or a plague that go boom in the night. 

Moi: WOW! We MUST celebrate. Come home now so we can celebrate. K?

And she did.

Jen’s hung up her Cancer Girl boots — YEA and AWESOME!

All in all, we had a VERY good day at the MGH Corral.