Solace

This beautiful tune snuck into my head this morning.

I hit Nantasket a little before sunrise. There was just one surfer out – too early in the season perhaps. The water was chilly on my feets and ankles but, of course, gorgeous.

Haven't smiled in days. With July creeping closer, the crushing weight of The Amazing Bob's absence blossoms big. 

Last year, at about this time, we got the horrific news that, not only had cancer returned with mondo ferocity, but the chemo pills weren't covered by insurance and the med maker wouldn't cut us a deal. Yup, we're talkin' GIANT, rapacious, assholian motherfuckers who should all die slowly while being urinated on by ME!

ARDS did my wonderful man in before the cancer could though. Good? A less heinous way to die? Christ almighty, the universe was determined to end my man.

It feels – mind and body – as though the volume of last summer's horrors have been dialed up to 11. My skin is vibrating with the pain of all we went through. My mind feels zapped – frozen and fried all at once.

Nantasket at dawn – the color and light – is solace.

Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.
~ Dylan Thomas

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
~ Isaac Asimov

No one here gets out alive.
~ Jim Morrison