Dammit!

I have a cold. IT’S SUMMER AND I HAVE A COLD! You know this is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

The medic websites tell me that I need to avoid coffee and alcohol.

I've got a big prob with this. You see, cold be damned – I NEED caffeine. I still gotta function, dammit. I have design projects to sketch out and...ya know, design, errands must be run for both me and my boss, I GOTTA hit the gym so’s I don’t derail my diet and get-in-better-shape horseshit. On that note, I’ve lost ten pounds so far. YES, I’m halfway home!

And then there’s the grape moratorium. Red wine has antioxidants and resveratrol who the fuck am I to ignore this shit?

Antioxidants, FYI, protect the body from damage caused by harmful molecules called free radicals.  While I do have a certain affection for free radicals:

A) I don’t think the ones I like are the same as the ones which Web M.D. are talking about. Just a random hunch.
B) In election years, free radicals can be annoying and tiresome, particularly when they persist in voting their conscience (AKA their interior fantasy world). They gave us Bush II (because there isn’t a dime’s bit of difference between Gore and Bush //MEGA, sky shattering eye roll and OOF// and Nader will transform the world!) and they helped to put the Trump Crime Family in power (because Clinton’s in Wall Street’s pocket!!!)

Coco feels I should come to bed and rest. Chin skritches, she says, will cure me.

So then, I’m all for antioxidants. Naturally, this translates as “pour me another cup ‘o’ Chianti, bitte, danke.” In light of this damn cold though, I will be ascetic. Really! Having said that – everything in moderation, including moderation.

So then, what do, what do?! A column in US News & World Report unhelpfully tells me:

At the end of the day, experts say all you can do is let a summer cold run its course. Get plenty of rest. Stay hydrated. Use over-the-counter pain relievers, cough drops, nasal sprays and cough syrups to alleviate your symptoms.

Great. Just lovely. We can put a goddamn man on the moon, put awesome little cameras inside ridiculously tiny phones, kale, of all things, is a popular food now AND we can cure typhoid fever, chickenpox and whooping cough. All these amazing things yet a simple goddamn summer cold can't be fixed with some little magic pill? This is just so, bloody wrong!

I think I’m gonna go read in bed, pat Coco, drink MORE fucking water and build the strength to get up and out. *sigh*