CAKEday

Today is Jen’s birthday and there WILL be CAKE!

When my hero, my beloved and Amazing Bob was alive, we ate nothing but wonderfully, heavily frosted cake all month. OK, no we didn’t BUT it kinda seemed like that. January was rich with the special CAKE occasions – New Years Day, his birthday, our anniversary, Jen’s birthday and, of course, any day ending in “y.” (kidding–HONEST–on that last one)

TAB and I were cake sluts. Cake addicts? Cakeaholics? Cakeophiles?

His health was so bad in that last year that he was too weak to come into Saint Fratelli’s with me. He’d wait in the car. THIS was a big fucking deal, a giant red flag. That he didn’t want to come inside and breathe the wonderful, soul-healing, sugary pastry air told me, more clearly than an MRI, that our time was short.

I had another We’re Moving dream last night. It played twice actually – once with TAB and once without. In both versions, with six chums, I was moving into a ramshackle BIG apartment down by the river in Charlestown. The joint was 99 kinds of decrepit and crowded with the previous, possibly lifelong, tenant's belongings. Rickety, kludged together shelving and structural “fixes” were everywhere. But, HEY, water views!

There was battalion of pro-repairmen on the job, fixing everything from rafters to sill as we explored our new home. It was up to us to clean out the guts of the crib.

In the TAB version, he had a room down the hall from me. It was huge, sun-lit and in the best, cleanest shape. I was sad that we we’d have separate rackrooms but happy that his was spacious and in splendid condition. There was a large bed and he lay down for a nap.

As I passed back through the kitchen, I spied an elderly dishwasher – HUZZAH! Turning it on for a test drive resulted in a slow motion tsunami though. Yup, something else for the repair dudes to remedy. As my six new roomies and I mopped the floor, I saw that the linoleum was light years beyond old. It was cracked, warped and, in places, nothing but grody, possibly disease riddled, dust.

Yup, I get it. I’m in transition. The old house (me) is in mega rough shape BUT not without hope. We CAN rebuild her!

Just like the dream, I have very good friends. They’re with me on this journey. My home (both figuratively and actually) is beat up but structurally sound WITH water views. Plus TAB is, on some level, still with me. There’s work to be done (isn’t there always?) but I’m gonna make it. Just like the dream.

And today, Jen was wonderful enough to have a birthday so there WILL be cake.