Copeage

This is TAB’s Black Tartarian cherry tree.
We have BUDS!
He survived the winter – YEA!!!

Over this past weekend I found myself down at the bottom of Life Blows Giant Sand Worm Wang Gulch. Just FYI, it ain’t pretty down there. That and it’s scary as fuck.

Despite being surrounded by good friends (and Jen and Oni who are WAY more than just good friends) I was feeling, not quite suicidal but, def meh, what’s the point of all this existence shit, I'm such a disappointment, etc., etc.

To die- to sleep-
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd.

Just so’s ya know, I’m not the kind to off myself. That’s just too much of a commitment and I am SUCH a commitmentphobe. Given that it took me 15 years (SHEESH!) to come to the wickedly smart decision to marry The MOST Amazing Bob (we were already living together – why buy the cow/free milk and all that), figure the odds of me EVER definitively landing on a resolution to end myself. Hells bells, buying a house (with a 30 year mortgage –*GASP*) was almost more than I could bear. So yeah, me and self-offage, unlikely to say the least.

How much longer do I have, without TAB, on this big blue spinning marble? How long do any of us have? Assuming Mueller yanks 45 offstage before he has a chance to have his Nuclear Armageddon tantrum, what’s our sentence on this imperfect world ?
According to a 2014 Center for Disease Control and Prevention study which found and examined death causes by state (source), I’m far more likely to check out due to an accidental OD or poisoning. No, I will NOT be accepting cupcakes, aspirins or martinis from strangers or deviant “family” members anytime soon. It’s also drastically unlikely that I’ll spark up a smack habit. Drugs (apart from Ibuprofen, coffee, hot toddies and weed) – too much of a commitment.

Drinking is more likely to be the cause of death in much of the Southwest than in other parts of the country. In parts of Appalachia and New England, it’s a drug overdose. Suicide by gun stands out as disproportionately lethal in parts of the Upper Midwest and Alaska.
~~~snip~~~
In Wisconsin and nearby Iowa and Minnesota, there are disproportionate instances of accidental falls that are fatal.

Most common cause of death in Louisiana and Florida? Homicide by firearm. I am so not shocked.
Texas? Septicemia.
Maine? Esophageal cancer.
In Dense Pence’s home state of Indiana, the big killer is kidney disease.

It's a fascinating little map and study.

If this was 1218, not 2018, what age might I hope to attain?

The main hurdle to living a full and healthy life for men was making it through early childhood. For women, it was making it past childbearing age…. One reason offered for this is that having babies in the middle ages was more dangerous than going to war. (source)

Joy.

Industrial, auto and other transportation air pollution didn’t exist back then – cancer was rare, only afflicting the olds. Basically, us'ns were only killing ourselves off by existing in pre-indoor plumbing filth, going to war and birthin' them babies.

From the 1500s onward, till around the year 1800, life expectancy throughout Europe hovered between 30 and 40 years of age. (source)

The average was 35 years. There were folks who lived to see their 70th birthday but the median was 35. Had TAB and I lived way back then, we may never have met – he was 42 and I was 27 when we first met and fell blindingly, astronomically in love.

Buzz-harshing bummer, Dude!

So I'll continue to continue to pretend
My life will never end
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall
Simon & Garfunkel - Flowers Never Bend With The Rainfall