Shadows and Mist

The Shadow had the mysterious power to cloud men's minds. They couldn’t see him. So yeah, he could sneak in but he still had to pack heat.

Unlike The Shadow OR Buffy OR Batman, when I become a superhero, I won’t need weaponry. Ya see, my superpowers are like this:

I’ll enter enemy territory  – whether that’s the Republican House and Senate, a white supremacist encampment, a Gamer Gate convention OR the women’s stitch ’n’ bitch auxiliary of the Oathkeepers – they can’t see me. I’m able cloud minds too.

After I’m in, I remove my cloaking and unleash my weapon – a reality defying air biscuit. This is a fart of such power that the eye-watering vapors will instantly infiltrate the minds of all who suffer from the seven deadly sins:

• Vainglorious arrogant egoism
• Callous greedheadedness
• Imperious, snobbish, uppish disdain
• Wanton, gluttonous lust for power
• Destructive levels of envy
• Unbridled, off-the-rails rage and condescension
• Environmental abuse and neglect

My superpowered magic farts will replace those rat arse traits with these appropriate ones:

• Empathy
• Generosity
• Humility
• Great love for all people, plants, animals of all kinds AND the damn planet itself!
• A calm, thoughtful demeanor
• Bravery and willingness to fight for what's right
• A great desire to spend all free time caring for life’s less fortunate

The beauty of my superpower is that I don't actually need to get up close to my vics OR go through the tedious and time consuming horseshit of confronting them one at a time (necessarily). I could:

• Hit a big joint session of congress,
• Visit whichever exclusive links the Tangerine Psycho Toddler and his new, born-again rage monster/golf 'n' pomposity partner are playing on.
• I could just walk in the back door of any mega big box church (AKA Republican Indoctrination Center), KKK meeting or fucking frat house

To name just a few.

Once I arrive at their meeting halls, big box faux Jesus emporiums, golf courses and private clubs, I cloak up, gain entry, uncloak and let 'er rip! Naturally, in order to make these magic power puffs extra potent, I'll have to scarf mountains of asparagus, Brussels sprouts, spinach and, just for extra added piquancy, dried apricots. OH BABIES, I'm gonna be lethal to assholery everywhere!

Now then, you may be wondering how I fared, apart from superhero creation, in the tube yesterday. OK. No freakouts BUT I was in for THREE hours, not the reported two. Also, next Wednesday's MRIathon is set for an MRI location in MGH in which I've a big history of freakage. I tried to change it – they said no can do. There are no openings in other machines that day and I can't postpone the tests.

Hmmmmph!!! Double plus hmmmmph!!!!!!

I will again prepare with a lorazapam & Jameson's cocktail but add Mother Nature's lovely greenery and MORE fantasy material. Suggestions welcome.