Out, OUT, damn cold!

This is my third day with this motherfucking cold. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s the flu. Ya’d think, with all the time I’ve spent in hospital these last few months, with all the needles stuck in my arms, that someone would’ve snuck in some don’t-get-the-flu meds. Nope, I don’t think so.

My wonderful Visiting Nurse, Nicole, will be here at 1PM so I’ll get the score then. Also, before Jen left for work she gave me a couple of large, brilliantly glowing, stop-light red gel capsules. She said they were cold meds but, ya know, maybe she’s beginning to tire of this non-stop nursing of the old broad (that’d be moi AND I would totes understand. I am one, sincerely whiny invalid). Perhaps they were cyanide tabs! Guess I’ll find out if I take a nap and wake up sunning myself down on the River Styx, eh?

Lovely view but could I puh-LEEZE have a new one?

In my first text of the morning to Ten, I kvetched up a storm. He wisely advised "patience." Naturally I had to ask, “is this something I can pick up down at my local pharmacy.” No reply yet. Possibly he thought I was joking. Me and patience – we’ve never been on civilized speaking terms.

Great sex is a natural drug.
~ Toba Beta, My Ancestor Was an Ancient Astronaut

Lovely, I imagine it’s a sure cure for the common cold BUT Ten’s 3,000 miles away.

It’s true that laughter really is cheap medicine. It’s a prescription anyone can afford. And best of all, you can fill it right now.
~ Steve Goodier

Fuck You!

The only way to treat the common cold is with contempt.
~ William Osler

In that case, shouldn’t I be ALL better now?

Doctor Coco is on the job!

Suggested remedy for the common cold: A good gulp of whiskey at bedtime-it’s not very scientific, but it helps.
~ Alexander Fleming

I’ve had a couple hot toddies and even Irished up my coffee one morning. So far, no luck. Hmmph! Possibly I’m using the wrong brand. Any recommendations?

The Four Horsemen whose Ride presages the end of the world are known to be Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence. But even less significant events have their own Horsemen. For example, the Four Horsemen of the Common Cold are Sniffles, Chesty, Nostril, and Lack of Tissues…
~ Terry Pratchett

In my house there are actually SIX horseman. The extra two are, Constant Irritability and Nonstop Kvetching.

My dear doctor, I’m surprised to hear you say that I am coughing very badly, because I have been practising all night.
~ John Philpot Curran

At this point, my hacking coughs are philharmonic ready.

Whine, snivel, bitch, kvetch!