Nod Conundrums

My dreams aren't magical communiques, chimerical alerts or directive missives from the great beyond. Also too, they aren’t windows into anyone else’s state of being ‘cept my own. I GOTTA remember this!

I had a one last night about a man I knew a long-ass time ago. We were friends with bennies before there was a name for that sort of thing. He was very nice AND, bonus, handsome but I had a hard time taking him seriously.

Ya see, Tim was a serial marrying man. His life’s guiding principle, his credo seemed to be Don’t just date a woman, don’t just cohabitate, GET MARRIED.

I never understood this but then, I wouldn’t. The Amazing Bob and I shacked up (in molto happy SIN!) for the first half of our 30 year love fest. My choice – signing on the dotted line triggers my Mariana Trench deep relationship claustrophobia. I.e., I’m in this deal because I love, respect and just, like totally man, dig the dude NOT because I signed some dogdamned legal paperwork. DO NOT tell me I have to be here – I'm here because I wanna be!

Back to the dream though Tim was still on wife #2 and desperately sad (#2 had, in real life too, a Come-To-Mormon-Jesus experience – complete with the sexy magic Mormon Jesus underwear). He and I’d hooked up but it just seemed utterly pointless (sad sex is SO sad!) – so much so that I woke up.

It’s only now (Christ I'm slow!) occurred to me that his connubiality habit may well be based in looking for happiness in fairy tale ideas of marriage versus finding that spark within his own self. SHE will provide me with bliss and inner peace AND she can’t leave because this is all legally-beagally and shit.

Huh. Big sad frowny face, if that’s his scoop.

I wonder, of course, how Tim’s doing? Is he OK? AGAIN I remind myself that my nocturnal moviolas aren’t telescopes into anyone else’s bean ‘cept my own. Maybe I just kind of miss him as a friend? Despite being a bit of an over the top romantic, he could be fun. FYI, fun is good.

Is that why I dreamt about him? The unhappy marriage thing ain't about me – I’m not in one. TAB’s gone (gottverdamm!) and, while he was here, we were Bliss City. Ten, who I'm totes wild about, is 3,000 miles away – this didn't feel like it was about him/us. My Home World is cool, apart from too much work on my plate. Freelance – there's a fine line between too much and too little work in house.

So, re: Land of Nod time, wut up?

Could it be that somewhere, on a back channel of my mind, I’m worried about Tim? Has marriage #5 hit an iceberg? OR, quite possibly, Tim’s a stand in, a place holder, for someone else.

//shrugs//

Got me hangin.’ I hate when I can't figure this shit out.