No...Fer Reals!?

Pluto (actual size)

That cold that I was kvetching about yesterday? Yep, it’s moved in and is a definite going concern. I’m annoyed beyond Pluto’s billions of miles away, puny and fragmented atmospheric reach. Yes, indeedy.

The other bit inspiring viral levels of vexation this morning?

My crooked tooth. Yesterday, I tuned into Rubber Shoes in Hell to read Michelle’s post Post Menopause Years: It’s My Hattie Tooth. I am so damn grateful to know there’s another woman (at least!) out there experiencing this dental bullshit. I thought I was alone in spaz toothiness.

Why do I have a weird-ass tooth? I’m guessing it has something to do with unremoved wisdom teeth crowding out their less brainy sibs.
A zillion or so years ago, back in our Cambridge days, I had an impacted wisdom tooth removed. The experience was totally, shockingly batshit barbaric. Multiple numbing agents were shot into me with horror show sized needles. That was bad enough. THEN, the previously normal seeming grill doc, swear to Bast, climbed onto the dental chair, put my head in a WWF (now WWE) vice-like hold and spent at least 30 minutes wrestling that sad tooth outta my jaw.

Now then mes ami, you KNOW I’ve had a mega ton of varied surgeries. I seriously thought I’d seen and experienced, not the worst certainly, but a wide range of challenging shit. I was stunned, amazed and a little freaked out with a side order of…yeah…feeling kinda all violated-like.

Despite all the big YOU MUST HAVE YOUR WISDOM TEETH REMOVED warnings I passed on having the final two (the first one they took out wasn’t impacted and just popped right out). It wasn’t just because I felt all traumatized and shit either. In the weeks following this savage bit of dentistry I developed an astoundingly nasty case of trigeminal neuralgia.

…a chronic pain condition that affects the trigeminal or 5th cranial nerve, one of the most widely distributed nerves in the head.
…
Pain varies, depending on the type of TN, and may range from sudden, severe, and stabbing to a more constant, aching, burning sensation. The intense flashes of pain can be triggered by vibration or contact with the cheek (such as when...washing the face), brushing teeth, eating, drinking, talking, or being exposed to the wind. The pain may affect a small area of the face or may spread. (source)

A soft breeze, taking a sip of water or just thinking too damn hard could set it off and I always had the sudden stabby variety of pain. It would flare up out of nowhere and, literally, knock me off my feet. Given that my nervous system’s already wonky-ass, delicate and periodically on fire, I was supremely concerned and went to see God (AKA Dr. Ojemann). He hooked me up with his young surgical scion (yes, this means he’s the son of god) Doc Barker who was/is also a trigeminal neuralgia specialist. COOL! He calmed my monster worries (my brain's exploding!!! nope.) and hooked me up with pain zapping meds which carried me through until the TN faded into nothing (a few years later).

So yeah, I left the remaining two wise teeth where they were. They didn’t hurt so I wasn’t inspired to throw myself into hell again. And then I, just recently, noticed that one tooth that's gone all tilted and outta line. I figure snaggle toothdom's the price I'm paying for not jumping into the primitivo world of dental surgery again.

Michelle, at Rubber Shoes, went to the dentist who told her it would cost, out-of-pocket, 800 smackaroonis to fix – to get her wayward tooth in line. OOF!  I am now even less keen on getting this fixed.