Vote fer MOI!

I’m running for President. Why? Trump makes it look so easy! Ya know, just tweet a bunch of fibs and fairy tales while taking my morning dump. After, I’ll watch TV to find out what I oughta be caring about. Instead of Fox & Fiends though, I think watching cartoons will give me a better picture. Roadrunner seems to have a lot more on the ball than those ranting plasticine talking imbeciles. Next it’s PLAYTIME! Now, I hate golf with the heat of a thousand fiery turds but I betcha the White House has a pool – I could swim or just float and meditate at the same time!

Now then, the country’s gonna have to get on a strict schedge with me inna House.

Monday is tree planting day. If you’re an apartment dweller, you can plant in the outdoor common area, the local park or on the curb.

Tuesday IS Taco Tuesday, DUH and do I need to say more? No, I do not.

Wednesday will be art appreciation day. Everyone goes to their local galleries or museums to discover. Find an artist you’ve never heard of before.

Thursdays will be devoted to therapy. It’s mandatory. Take a good, realistic look at your life. How have you been a selfish, mean assholian twat? (and, don’cha know, we ALL have been one on occasion) What can you do to repair the trail of damage you’ve left behind and how can you get on a better track? AND how have you let people treat you like a cheap, Walmart doormat? Explore and learn how to like and value yourself more.

Friday is for music. Go out to a club to hear/feel a band you’ve never heard before. Go to a concert – take in some jazz or classical. Is your sound system kaput like mine? Take your shoes off, cozy up to the musicians and try to feel their vibes.

Saturday and Sunday are family days. Family is defined as the folks who love and respect you, NOT necessarily the people you’re related to by blood.  Extra points for spending at least one day, yes, planting trees. Take a kiddle along. Explain all the wonders of arborhood.
          Trees save lives
          They can save the planet
          Trees increase your property value AND cut down on the bucks you spend for heating and cooling yur house.
Also too, they’re attractive as fuck and have wonderfully long lives

Now then. I doubt I’d have the patience for all those insane dicktaters of whom presnint Bluto’s so fond. I realize they’re his heroes, his I-am-SO-not-gay man-crushes, but I mega frown on torture, murder and subjugation of the powerless. Not cool and it pretty much skeeves me clean out. I think I’ll let Kamala handle those fuckers. I know she’ll kick serious azz. Liz will be in charge of the Assholes of Industry. I KNOW she’ll do a stellar job cleaning out their greedheaded biz-pirate pigpen AND leveling up the playing field. Jay will handle environment issues. I have BIG faith in his smarts and abilities.

I think I’d give the country a MUCH bigger bang for their tax buckos. I wouldn’t be spending everyone’s hard earned money whining, playing poor pitiful victim me and having toddler-ish temper tantrums. Nope. Also, I’ll be MUCH better dressed!

Just THINK of the merch possibilities!