In my not so humble opinion, affairs are nothing more than symptoms. They're indicators of other, serious probs within the marriage and those probs are in full flower, baby.
There’re billions of reasons why people stray. A few, general, affair sparks include:
- Lack of “intimacy" – whether that’s just holding hands, smooching or the full sheet shaking deal.
- Lack of REAL communication. i.e: WAY more in depth shit than what do you want for dinner tonight or are we gaing to the Cape again this summer.
- You’ve grown apart – that shit happens. We all evolve (for better and/or worse) and we don’t necessarily grow in the same way as wifey or hubby.
- Abuse – emotional and/or physical.
Not everyone goes the Ashley Madison route. I’d wager that most just, oopsie, fall into the sitch. Awareness of the degree of marital unhappiness may be inchoate. You didn't grok what you were missing, how anemic your life had become until you met Ramone/Ginger.
Or maybe you were aware but needed a Ramone or Ginger shaped catalyst to facilitate the break. It's the fear of being alone/partnerless and down to just one income stream. I totally understand BUT that extra person on the stage makes things WAY more complicated.
Unfortunately, when an affair’s discovered, the focus shifts from the already dead (or dying) marriage to the cad or cad-ette who “stole” the spouse away.
Ya know, If it weren’t for Stan stealing my Melinda away our lives would’ve been PERFECT.
Ah no. No one, outside of elaborately plotted, scary hollywood spy thrillers, is getting stolen against their will. The relationship was already over and done, in all but living arrangments long, before Melinda cast eyes on Stan. He was nothing more than the pebble that got your landslide rolling.
I know this is difficult BUT try to be as honest with yourself as possible.
MAYBE you haven’t changed at all. Your’re still the very same man she married. Consider this – that’s the problem. Marriage is a real good way to get to know someone better – intimately even. Maybe boredom's set in or she decided she wasn't so keen on you and your snide slams after all.
Possibly SHE'S changed. Life happens. People evolve and shit.
