So, I’ve never been in an intimate relationship which has turned emotionally or physically abusive. Sure, in pre-TAB days there were more than a few affliations and entanglemets which…emmm...failed to thrive but no abuse.
I remember a dude I dated while with the carnival. Everyone said we were a perfect match – similar senses of humor and fun. Only after we hooked up did they tell me about how he used to beat up his ex-girlfriend. Huh. Didn’t ya think that’d be a useful, important tidbit to share EARLIER?
Knowing me, I probably threatened to cut his butterfly tattooed schwanz off if he EVAH touched me in anger. I’ve always been pretty direct like that and shit.
Eventually and without a hint of nastiness in evidence (from either of us) I said so long and thanks for all the fish to him. Why? Eh, I was 22 and had other plans – like following that dart I‘d thrown to Boston. Boyfriend not included.
I know a lot of women (AND a few men) who’ve been physically and/or emotionally abused by beaus, sig. others and spousal units. Was I just lucky to never fall prey to such sad, pathetic, damaged goods?
In part, sure, but I’m also profoundly wary. I’m not a trusting soul. My dearest ones love and care about me (and, yes, I seek out their thoughts and advice on every last little thing) but it’s yurs truly who’s got to live in this skin, this tumor riddled bean. Ultimately, I trust me.
I’m, pretty much, unshakable on this. My rap name, if I had one, would be Tenacious and Resolute D.
I wonder, is gaslighting always the appetizer for a main course of violence? Maybe not but, boyhowdy, it’s a big, fat DANGER, WILL/WILMA ROBINSON, DANGER flag.
From the National Domestic Violence Hotline:
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is when your emotions, words, and experiences are twisted and used against you, causing you to question your reality.
“I never said that. You’re making things up again.”
“Are you sure? You tend to have a bad memory.”
“It’s all in your head.”There’s a very good gaslighting post up on NBCnews.com. The author makes the point that a:
…gaslighter doesn’t necessarily need to be acting with malicious intent — nor does the gaslighter necessarily need to realize that she or he is gaslighting another person for it to be happening…
It might be a result of how you were raised. Maybe your parents had very cut-and-dry beliefs and that certainty is how they (and now you) see the world and when someone sees things differently you assume something is wrong with them…That makes an abundant amount of sense. Life isn’t always filled with big Hollywood creepy, film noir-esque sparks. The heinous crapoliness of the sitch isn’t lessened one tiny bit though.
No comments:
Post a Comment