Walking Bones

I saw this meme on a friend’s FB page yesterday. While I have serious bones to pick here, I like the general sentiment.

If you wronged me, it’s all good – lesson learned.

Ah, FUCK no. It is NOT all good. Yes, I’ve learned lessons – that there are people, one’s who I was even related to (by marriage), who are so heartless, arrogantly egotistical, clueless and greedheaded that I can’t have them in my life. PERIOD.

If we aren’t speaking, it’s cool (I love you and I wish you well).

NOT necessarily. I may, as a matter of course, not in fact wish you be covered in basketball sized boils, suppurating sores and biting fleas OR that your very nice, too good for you (HOW did she end up with such a prime example of failed humanity) wife dump you, penniless, on the hard winter earth. But “I love you and wish you well?” That would be…inaccurate.

Life’s too short for pent up anger, grudges, extra stress and pain.

True ‘dat!

Forgiveness is a gift to yourself.

How do I forgive someone who’s wronged me deeply, who’s treated me so explosively shitty (at the worst possible time in my life too). There have been zero signs of regret or remorse and I feel pretty damn certain, given half a chance, they’d both do it all again.

Is this “forgiveness” shit, in the absence of sack cloth, ashes and hair shirts from them, just another way of saying I’m letting go of no longer useful anger? I’ve tried to understand what led to their machinations and skulduggery. All I’ve come up with is that they are each deeply insecure with large sides of narcissism. I feel sorry for them but not enough allow such mephitic fucks back into my life.

Frankly, I expect I’ll always be angry (blood boiling pique – my superpower). In the three and a half years since TAB’s death, the trigger for their miscreanic, damaging horseshit, my fury has faded a bit – my rage is less incandescent. The nights I find myself awake and steaming at 3AM are thankfully fewer.

I don’t want OR need to hold onto this. Apparently though, letting go takes time.

Dammit.

Still and all, I'm strolling into 2020,

You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy.
~ C. JoyBell C.