Xmas Eve Testiness

So look, I’ve run across this a zillion times before with a zillion variations. It’s nothing new. I’ve even come up with the best response to store clerks who speak molto rapidamente (so’s I don’t have a prayer of reading their lips) – I’m deaf, please write down what you’re saying. Seems like a wholly obvs, automatic thing to do but then, not everyone’s met a deafie before. Poor deprived souls.

The woman at my local hippy/groovy emporium took me off guard though. It was Christmas Eve with the giant, agoraphobia inspiring crowds rushing around to get everything done. Traffic was hell on earth and Fratelli’s had a line OUT THE DOOR. (no cannolis for me! I had a sad) I was cranky.

The smiling cashier said something that didn’t look like the standard Debit or Credit question and it looked like she needed a response. She cut me off before I could get to the please write down what you’re saying part of my I'm deaf spiel and repeated herself, speaking even faster and, possibly, louder. Still with that bright, birdbrained (not to diss sparrows, mind you) smile plastered on her kisser.

Yup, I put a STOP hand up to her and launched into my Jane-you-ignorant-slut toned rap. I repeated I’m deaf and then went on to explain this means that my ears don’t work and I’ve no idea what you’re saying. (I left off the “bitch” part – a bastion of composure, I was!)

A moment later I could see klieg lights sparking in her eyes. She grabbed a piece of paper and began writing out her patter (Free Gift! some tiny give away for a product I’ll never buy). Fine.

Then she wishes me a Merry Christmas. I responded with and Happy Hanukkah to you.  No, I’m not Jewish and obvs neither is she. Maybe instead I should’ve just wished her “Happy Tuesday” but would that have gotten my additional Jane-you-ignorant-slut point across?

We were both smiling but I suspect mine was dripping with the disdain I reserve for those adults who work with the general public without understanding and/or accepting that not everyone is JUST like themselves.

I’ve seen the memes encouraging people to be happy no matter what holiday greeting is offered – that we should look to the heart of the greeting. The wisher means well. Their intentions are warm and happy. Yes. Agreed, This poor benighted 50 year old child had made it clear, though, that she was overdue for some subtle and not so subtle enlightening assistance.

Of course, on leaving the shop I felt guilty for losing my temper. No, I didn’t yell or call her out for her stone obtuseness but I know that it’s unmistakably clear when I’m fresh outta patience with folks who are old enough to know better. //sigh//

In conclusion, happy Wednesday and, if you celebrate any of the following:

Hanukkah
Christmas
Kwanzaa
Yule
Solstice
Festivus

OR

National Fruitcake Day

Happy, merry, festive, non-cranky whatever to you all!