It's a Cookie Morning

Know what I’m having for breakfast this morning? Carrot cake flavored Oreos THAT’S what! Yes, they’re a thing now. Jen found them at the grocery store yesterday and bout me a pack – Family Size and everything!

Note – on the labeling – Nabisco helpfully allows that these are artificially flavored. Gee. DUH. RILLY?

What prompted Jen’s Oreo buy? It’s all John Scalzi’s fault. Oh, YES it is! He tweeted his discovery Sparkling Unicorn cookies – Magical Confetti Cake Batter sandwich cookies. They’re beautiful and I can only imagine how exquisitely, degenerately tasty they are.

Mega sadly, they’re a Kroger store brand – NOT available in my area. I’d have to drive to Albany or Rockaway, New Jersey to snag a pack. Yeah, that ain’t gonna happen. Sure, I COULD order some on line – it’s not like they’re likely to EVAH go stale BUT I’d have to buy a minimum of three packages. Honestly, do I really want to have three big packs of these in my cupboard?

Ya see, Sparkling Unicorn cookies don’t merely occupy the realm of guilty pleasure, they are prominent citizens of Embarrassing Buy City. And yet….according to the package, Sparkling Unicorns are naturally flavored!

Huh.

Wait just one red hot minute here…confetti is natural? Mind, this isn’t just plain old, garden-variety confetti – it’s magical cake batter flavor confetti. That makes all the difference?

I’m just a bit mystified but that’s OK. When I’m more absolutely awake my cookie confusion fog may lift. Clearly, I need more coffee.

Or not. I don’t expect big corporate, mass produced foods to be natural or organic or healthy in any real way. If I need a fresh, organically clean cookie I’ll hit up Fratelli’s or Ginger Betty’s.

Joni Mitchell – Chelsea Morning