Venus de Scarlo

Ya know, this recovery shit is hard bloody work.

First there's all the sleeping. What's up with that shit!? OK, OK, I get it – I'm on a zillion different pain meds – for very good reason. I mean...take a gander at that motherfucking incision! Route 66 is a back-fucking-country road next to me. OH, yes it is.

I was anticipating something a little, well, more petite BUT the ultra awesome Doc Coumans nailed five, not just those measly two, motherfucking meningiomas.

An aside: motherfucker and motherfucking are the words for the day. Alright, I hear you, deaf as I am, "when are those NOT your words for the day, Donna?" OK fine, nevermind.

Here's something I didn't anticipate pre-surgery – needing to tell a nurse to put her mask back on NOW.

Preface, the door to my room had a big sign proclaiming my deafness. On the white board with patient pertinent data was a note that I use an app on my phone for communication.

This obtuse human, clad in a pastel pink blazer (which made me think/hope she was a volunteer – honestly, who, over the age of 10, would voluntarily wear pastel pink?), entered the room, woke me up and started yammering a mile a minute – I could tell because her mask was moving at light speed. I held up my traffic officer STOP hand and said I'm deaf. Before I could whip out my phone and put on my reading glasses, she yanks down her mask and, leaning over close to me (as though I could "hear" her better if she was close in to my face) says "you can read lips though.".

Nurse/Guard Coco is on the job

My response was deeply controlled (mostly because I was three days post op and could barely move). I did NOT rip off her head and shit down her neck. See? I can so handle shit in a mature manner.

Now, you may recall from my past lipreading rants that:

• My ability to lipread is NOT your Get Out of Communication Jail Free card – I need to know you for a bit, learn how you form words and sometimes that's not enough. There are some folks I just can't read at all.
• It is impossible to lipread with 100% comprehension ESPECIALLY when I've NO context to work from. This presumed volunteer appears at my bedside in the middle of the night – I had NO fucking clue what she wanted.
• Important medical shit should NEVER be done solely with lipreading – too much is missed. I'm filling in the many blanks with guesses and a little jedi mindreading. NOT foolproof!
• The room was almost pitch dark with the hall light on behind her, obscuring her lips almost entirely. If I can't see your lips clearly, I can't read em. Dig?

I tried to calmly explain WHY lipreading wasn't going to work but she cut me off with some defensive explanation about a friend of hers who knows ASL AND lipreads. What the motherfucking fuck, mes amis?! That just flat out did it for me. I told/scolded/demanded "Put your mask back on NOW!" I left off the "oh, so all deafies are exactly alike in your tiny brain?" and "nice slam to your patient – I bet your deaf "friend" would be SO proud of you."

She masked up and took my stats which surprised me. I thought, gee, they must be training volunteers to do more to make up for COVID overwhelmed nurses.

I found out the following morning, after I complained about this volunteer to EVERY nurse and doc who came in that this ignorant twat had been my night nurse. SHEESH! 

If I come down with Plague45, I'll know precisely who gave it to me.