I am NOT the Silver Surfer

And WHY, the fuck, not?!

I’m in a profoundly whiny, morose-ass mood this morning. Why? I mean, fer fucks sake, I’m surrounded by loved ones (who cook!), cats, books – I have fun socks (very important), love where I live and Biden/Harris WON.

Part of my current struggle is the heavy cloud of political insanity. The Tangerine Treason Machine may not be prez anymore but Trumpism is still def with us. There’s reason to hope but the shit storm is wickedly far from over.

The pall of COVID – the Republi/Fascist Plague – continues. A friend (not a close one), is making the best of a bad sitch. He’s having a Zoom party soon. I don’t know exactly how this works but, apparently, there’ll be together-but-apart games, movie watching, schmoozing and more. I guess. I won’t be attending, in part because I don’t know any of his other friends but more, this isn’t a deaf accessible event. I can do one-on-one Zoom (as long as the other person can sign or open a chat window and text) but a party is impossible.

Though the number of new cases and deaths is beginning to tend downward, it’s coming down, slowly, from an insane peak. Throughout the U.S. there were 4,101 COVID deaths yesterday alone. 84 of those were here in Massachusetts. Yeah, I'm not keen to go out and get social.

Last night, someone on Twitter asked all and sundry to “name something you like about yourself.” All I could think to say, but didn’t, was “I’m not dead yet.”

Yes, right now, this feels like the most, the best I can say for myself.

I’m pushing forward with my strength building exercises.Yesterday I did 15 whole minutes on the elliptical. I'm making progress – at least for now – until I have another seizure. I don’t lay about moaning and sleeping all day. I read and blog. Though I can’t, as yet, stand for long enough periods of time to paint, I’m doodling – that’s something, right? There’s snow and ice everywhere so I’m not getting out to walk.

While it’s true that I’m not dead yet, I’d like to feel like I’ve got more going for me than being able to draw a breath and kvetch. On the whole, I feel pretty weak, useless and dependent. Old. Not superhero-esque. I wanna be Wonder Woman OR the Silver Surfer, dammit!

In case you weren’t sure, sadness, hopelessness sucks. In fact, it blows giant Krayt dragon wang. Duh.